Jay mashi means “Victory in the Lord” (and other tales from Nepal)

It has been two full months since my team and I returned from our life-changing trip to Nepal. As usual, I cannot believe time is moving so fast! My new job in Seoul started the Monday after we returned, so I hit the ground running and haven't slowed down for hardly a minute. Such is life in the big city, I guess? And let's be real. Busy is how I like life to be. Sweet sweet adrenaline. More on that another time, today I want to tell you about Nepal!! 

The TL;DR (aka Summary of Nepal Missions)
Our Team of ten spent January 30th to February 6th in Nepal. We were privileged to minister to one church in Kathmandu, two youth revival services, and one Native Missionary Training Center in Hetauda.  We were able to minister to a total of 406 people and 27 local pastors.  During our services, 16 fell under the power of the Holy Spirit, one woman's legs were healed of pain, two people with headaches and one man with back pain were healed, and we saw countless manifestations of the glory of God.  Thirty-one youth responded to a call to full-time ministry.  Themes of forgiveness, God's love, greater things for Nepal, and being mighty warriors went out in the preaching of the Word, testimonies, and exhortations.  We also had the privilege of visiting the house of a local pastor and ministering to several local families.  And to top it all off, we adopted a puppy to be a guard dog for one of the local churches and we attended a Nepali wedding and danced the night away celebrating what God is doing in Nepal!

That's the ministry update that our team is able to send out recounting the events that happened on our trip. Praise the Lord! You all know how hard it can be for me to be concice, so this time our team leader did it for me!! YAY! Haha... but for real...

FYI: most of these photos were taken by the exquisite Hannah Love Yoon, our trip photographer and legit photography journalist (that's her real job -- we were hecka blessed to have her as a member of our team, not only for her photog skillz but for her presence as a powerful woman of God. Check out more photos here.)

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

It is very hard to narrow down my thoughts about our week in Nepal, what it meant to me, and how I saw God moving. A few years ago, I was telling a testimony of a mission trip and I talked for over two hours... true story...
I want to share every meaningful moment, day by day, because so much happened in such a short amount of time! If you have a spare 3 hours, I could talk your ear off, but I'm learning not to do that! (I see you smirking. I know. It's a process.)

To begin, I must tell you Jay Mashi! Jay mashi means “Victory in the Lord” in Nepali and it’s the most common way to greet fellow Christians. Nepal is only about 1% Christian and there is a lot of persecution from people who feel threatened by this strange, new faith. I can tell you with absolute certainty, God is moving powerfully in Nepal. That was my favorite part of our trip was along those lines, meeting fellow Christians around the country, who are doing work that I can hardly fathom. More on that in a moment...

Our host for the trip was a powerful man of God named BP. Uncle BP and his wife, Auntie Tara, traveled with us the whole time and truly felt like family after just a few days. I asked my prayer partners to pray that we had a strong and fast connection to Uncle BP and oh my goodness, did we ever!! Auntie Tara is one of the sweetest people in the world. Uncle BP teased us, played jokes on us, fed us, and treated us like his very own nieces and nephews the whole time. On one of our road trips through the mountains, we stopped by the road to use the restroom. While we were away, he pulled out a bunch of grapes from under his seat (purchased as we left the city) and snuck over to a bush. As we walked back, he offered them to us like he'd just found a grape bush on the side of the road and "picked" them then and there. ...we kinda fell for it for a minute. WINNING. We felt (and were!) very very loved! Nepal would not be the same without them! We spent a lot of time with their daughters and son-in-law while we were in Kathmandu, spending evenings in their home, eating, and even going to a wedding all together!

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Speaking of road trips through the mountains, OH MY GOODNESS NEPAL IS BEAUTIFUL. We stayed part of the week in Kathmandu, the capital city, and part of the week in Hetauda and Sirlahi, so we were in the van a lot driving from place to place for revival services and to meet with pastors at different churches. Two of our days included 8 hour van rides through the mountains, which make up 77% of the country's topography. We prayed over our drives and BY GOD'S GRACE we didn't have a head-on collision, get rear-ended or side-swiped, fall off a cliff, and not one person threw up in the van (though the same can not be said of the puppy - more on that in a moment!). PRAISE THE LORD. From our viewpoint in our van along those long winding roads, we saw a lot of beauty. Roads are dusty, hills are alive, skies are wide, air is crisp. My soul sings!

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Fun story. During one of our stops along the mountain roads, Auntie Tara walked across the road and started talking to someone about these cute puppies that were lounging about in the sunshine, then she picked one up and walked back to us with the biggest smile on her face. She adopted the puppy! I was a little concerned at first, I mean, how can we just pick up a puppy on the side of the road and take her home?? Is that how it's done? Well, yeah I guess so! One of the churches we would be visiting in a couple of days is relatively new and needed a guard dog, so she decided to adopt a guard dog for his church! I tentatively suggested we call the puppy Philly (after our church, New Philadelphia), and the name stuck! Hooray!!
We piled in the van again and headed out, Philly the puppy napping at Auntie's feet for a long bit of the drive, then, bless her heart, she got carsick! We had prayed that none of the people in the van would be sick, but we sure didn't anticipate the puppy! Poor thing! It was pretty funny, though, to stop the van and air out the puppy and clean off the van mats. Crazy life experiences, right?

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

As you read in our missions summary, we held several services during the week. We held services at a church in Kathmandu, two youth revival services, and a Native Missionary Training Center in Hetauda, which is the church where Philly the puppy lives now! We met so many people and saw the Holy Spirit move in power everywhere we went. It's incredible to see what God does when people have GREAT FAITH for Him to do great things! Supernatural. People shaking, falling, joy, healings, speaking in tongues, and other powerful manifestations of God's glory. Experiencing God is a unique experience every time!! I've never personally fallen (what some call "being slain in the Spirit"), but in Nepal, it happened to people in my arms several times. I've never experienced anything like it, and from the expressions on their faces, it had never happened to them either! The Word of God was moving, living, breathing in the services. There we were, vessels of the Lord's anointing, empowering other vessels of the Lord to be the light in the darkness! Because there are so few Christians in Nepal, these powerful girls, boys, women, and men that we met have such a powerful role to play in the future of the country!! It was such a privilege to spend that time in worship together.

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

I mentioned that the highlight of the trip for me was spending time with local pastors around the country. Of all the powerful things we experienced, this was maybe the biggest blessing (and most eye-opening) of the trip. My church partners with NPWM, which stands for Native Partners for World Missions, so we spent a lot of time connecting with men and women from several cities around Nepal. Each pastor that we met runs several different ministries and has stories that are larger than life. Pastors shared about planting churches and Bible colleges, directing films, starting political parties, and small businesses. They spoke of graduating from college and immediately adopting 15 orphans into their home. They spoke of walking for days to reach villages that don’t have roads, just to share the gospel. They spoke of trekking ministries in the Himalayas.

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

They laughed and joked with each other and you could palpably sense the brotherly love these pastors have for one another. But even as they joked, there was a lingering heaviness to their ministry stories. They spoke of being imprisoned in a latrine for months at a time for sharing the gospel where it’s illegal... only to get out and tell more people about Jesus again, risking more jail time in a literal toilet. The spiritual climate in Nepal can be very hard. The darkness is real. Even while we were there, we heard that Christians in a village a few hours away were kicked out of the village. Their land and everything they had were taken from them. The persecution is real... but the joy that these pastors carry is so much brighter than the darkness! They carry the light of Christ with them wherever they go.

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

A big part of our role in Nepal was to pray for and encourage Christians in area churches. If you've ever been in a place where there is a lot of persecution or hatred toward your faith, you understand how important it is to be filled up so that you can continue to pour our love and hope and joy. We had the immense privilege to pray with the Holy Spirit over pastors and their families throughout the week!! Kim, another member of our team, pointed out that these men and women are rockstars of heaven, and we were so humbled and honored that they wanted us to pray for them. We loved to hear their stories and pray for them, and they wanted to know about us too! They asked us about our current jobs and our future hopes and goals, then they’d pray for us! Every encounter was mutually edifying and built us up in our faith. God used them for us, and He used us for them! By this, the name of our Christ Jesus is glorified.

HEY LOOK I got a photo *with* Hannah Love Yoon! 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Throughout the trip, I kept having intense surges of emotion in my spirit while praying or looking up and out over the hills. I thought I would be undone in an emotional sense, but I didn't have that one giant overflowing emotional outburst... I felt a little like a water balloon that keeps getting filled up. Mmmm... slowing falling more in love with Nepal. On the last big ride through the mountains, the skies finally cleared and we got to see a perfectly clear view of the Himalayas stretched across the horizon. To try to capture them in words or even photographs cannot do them justice. STUNNED. GOD, YOU MADE THAT. I kept just looking up and thinking "God made those. His hand crafted them, crag by crag. Each boulder is there on purpose. He knows each avalanche before it occurs. Jesus knows these hills. Jesus knows the paths that go through them." Humbling barely begins to cover it. I couldn't help but pray. I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

I was torn up as we left for the airport. I cried as we said goodbye to our host pastor, Uncle BP, his wife Auntie Tara, and his daughters. It’s amazing how fast people can feel like family. When Uncle BP runs for Prime Minister of Nepal someday, he is going to have a powerful campaign staff from South Korea!! It blows me away every time I go to a new country, just to meet other believers. We may not have anything in common – no language, no history – but when we are united in Christ, we are one. The Cross of Jesus Christ bridges cultures. We have brotherhood, we have shared traditions, and most importantly, we have a shared eternal future together. God is doing BIG things in Nepal. He is using powerful men and women all over the country to act out His sacrificial love and extravagant grace. He’s moving in politics and business. He is healing and empowering. He is caring for the orphan and the widow. His church is growing. It needs our prayers! Nepal is so beautiful. The pastors there are doing such powerful work. God took our team of 10 to encourage, pray for, and lift up powerful ministers of the Gospel in Nepal! In return, these pastors encouraged, prayed for, and lifted us up, sharing their mighty testimonies! That’s what God does! He brings us to a place of undeserved privilege, sets us in community to strengthen each other, and together we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing His glory. Amen!


Truly, every member of our team has 1,000 stories to tell. I wish I had time to share all of them! Someday, we can all sit around in heaven and revel in the goodness of our time spent sharing the gospel together in all the ways and all the countries here on earth. Then, time won't be too short, and neither will our attention spans. But, alas, for now I should let you get back to work, or cooking, or watching the kids, or staring out the window pondering how beautiful springtime is, or whatever else you could be doing while you read this. Thank you for taking a moment to know what has been on my heart, and I pray that this testimony blesses you and sets you free. God is so good. He has so much in store for us to share!

Photo Cred: Hannah Love Yoon 

"Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory."

Romans 5:2

Myanmar/Nepal Missions Recap 2015 by the incredible and 

incredibly talented Joel Kim, media pastor from New Philly.

For more of the AWESOME photos from our trip photographer, Hannah Love Yoon, check out Flickr and Facebook (srsly. go look.)

Nepal Missions 2015!!!

“How beautiful upon the mountains 

are the feet of him who brings good news, 

who publishes peace, 

who brings good news of happiness, 

who publishes salvation, 

who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.””

Isaiah 52:7

WELL HELLO THERE! 2015 is getting better by the day, right? This month has been busy and exciting with a lot of changes and a lot of rest thrown in. I'm still on winter vacation, but this isn't the boring kind of break from work where I sit in my apartment and stare out the window as the days drag by. Remember how much I hate that? August was like that. No más. No más. This winter break has been restful in all the right ways (sleeping, reading, hiking, baking), but it's been SUPER BUSY at the same time! I'm still commuting up to Seoul on the weekends and going back to Jeonju during the week for a little while longer. The MAIN reason I'm so busy is that I'M GOING ON MISSIONS THIS WINTER!!! We have training every weekend, and my team is busy getting prepped and bonding over dinners, and each team member has different tasks to complete

WANT TO HEAR MORE? I'm so glad you asked!!!

I have the privilege of being sent to Nepal to share the Gospel through my church, New Philadelphia, an English Ministry in Seoul. We'll be serving in Kathmandu, the capital city, and Hetauda, a small town in the Himalayas, from January 30 – February 6.

Photo cred: http://www.sevensummittreks.com/Nepal-1-1.html

For those of you who don't know much about Nepal, Nepal is beautiful. Nepal is where the Himalayas are. As in, Mount Everest. I KNOW RIGHT? Stunning. The more I read into the history, too, the more I fall in love with the country. Nepal has had a tumultuous few decades, with major governmental shifts and protests. The monarchy was abolished in 2008 and the country is now a Federal Democratic Republic with a president and prime minister. Nepal has a rich, diverse culture, many different ethnicities, AMAZING food, and a lot of people who have never heard about Jesus.

YOU GUYS. We're going to the mountains to share the beautiful news that God (who created the world and sits on the throne in Heaven) looooooves you. More than you can imagine. You might think you're not good enough to be loved like that, and you're right, but He sent his very self, in human form, to take the punishment that we deserve, to provide a way to connect with Him forever. God came to us. We don't have to clean ourselves up first and figure everything out, we just respond by running into the open, loving arms of a good Father. That's the Good News that are going to share! That's the Gospel.

Because I believe that, I MUST tell people! Because I believe that His death on the cross redeems people, giving us freedom, grace, and a relationship with the Maker of the Universe… Because I believe Him and accept that great love for me, I have share that great news! I’m so excited to do that in Nepal!! I’m thrilled about this opportunity! Every time God gives me a chance to talk about his freedom, grace, and salvation, I’m blown away. Oh, how He loves us!

WANNA HEAR MORE? OKAY! 

We will be doing ministry with Nepalese and Tibetan refugee communities, hosting worship services, and encouraging local pastors and youth leaders. It's gonna be INCREDIBLE. We are going to experience God in a way I've never seen, and I can't wait to be in the middle of it. God does crazy things. I've seen more of that this year than ever before... He's preparing us for some magnificence. (Is magnificence a word? I'm gonna go with it.)

If you've been around me for very long, you know I’ve been on a few mission trips before with different organizations. I've seen them done well, and I've seen them done poorly. I tell you what, New Philly missions are on the up and up. We're not interested in creating welfare states and dependent nations. We want to see the power of Christ change lives, change communities, and let that transformation change nations. We have seen it happen in Korea! We seek to do ministry that is transformative and meets needs. We partner with NPWM, which is Native Partners for World Mission. NPWM has a network of local pastors all over Asia, so when we do missions, we aren't telling people the Good News and then leaving like, welp good luck! Jesus loves you... we gotta go, yo. That's not how we roll. When we share this glorious story, we are supporting local pastors and the work that they're doing long-term in the community. We might be a novelty with our white, black, and/or Korean faces, we might draw in the curious with the *newness* off it all, but at the end of the day it's not about us. It's not about what we do. It's about what God is doing in these lives. We are confident that He sees the least. What we do is to serve the King of all creation. He sees every person. He loves every person. He wants to use His followers to do good work for his creation. We get to partner in that. It's a big responsibility, one that we don't take lightly. We are able to love people and share the love that God has for them, then help them connect with local ministers that can usher them closer and closer to God through discipleship, into maturity in their faith. IT'S AWESOME. I love every bit!!

I’ve never received the missions training that I’m getting through New Philadelphia. Because of the power that we know we'll see, we have received specific ministry training, VBS training, body worship training (that means dance practice and it is so challenging and fun!), training for support raising (that means money. don't be scared...), training for fasting, for healing, for specific challenges that we might see in the field. This will be the most powerful mission trip I’ve ever been on! Our team is stacked with powerful people who love Jesus mightily and want to share the relationship we have with Him. We want to see broken people made whole. We want to see hurt people be healed. We want to see lost people become known. We want to see it all, and we know the only answer that lasts... is Jesus.


Jesus truly changes lives. I hope that you will catch and share my heart for this cause.


So I mentioned support raising, right? Can we park on that for a minute? In the spirit of the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20), we are called to go and make disciples, but we are also called to send (Rom. 10:14-15). There are 2 main ways that I'm talking about here. Please send me with prayer support, and please send me with financial support. I need both and I'm asking you for both. Yes you :)

1. Missions teams cannot go without prayer support. 

Pray for me before, during, and after the trip, pray for my team before, during, and after the trip, pray for the local pastors before, during, and after the trip, pray for the people we meet in Nepal before, during, and after the trip, pray for Nepal itself before, during, and after the trip. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you when you pray. Be creative. Get a bulletin board with my/our pictures on it. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Set a reminder on your phone. Ask your 4 year old to remind you. Whenever you think about that guy you have a crush on, let that be a reminder to pray for us. Please and thank you.

My church is a BIG BIG BIG BIG force of prayer. God says to pray. We are God's house. We pray up and down, sideways, day after day, reminding each other to pray, gathering together to pray, staring meetings with prayer... do I need to say that prayer is a big thing? IT'S A BIG THING. So when it comes to missions, we pray hard. Every team member is covered. Every team member feels the covering. Crazy supernatural things happen that are only, only a result of prayer. God hears prayers. Please please join us. First and foremost, this blog post is an invitation to pray with me before, during, and after the trip. Prayer is essential to ministry!

If you want to pray for us specifically, please check the New Philly facebook page for prayer points every day! This missions season, we are sending out 12 missions teams over 4 different waves. Wave 1 returned recently, Wave 2 leaves in a week, Wave 3 leaves in a week and a half, and Wave 4 leaves on January 30!! THAT'S ME!!! I'm in Wave 4! Anyway, there will be updates and pictures of the different teams up on the facebook page. If you go to the page and pray for us, please "like" the prayer point that you prayed! This is very very very very encouraging to missionaries who come back, so we can see the prayers that have been prayed and answered! Again, check out https://www.facebook.com/newphilly and keep all the missions teams covered in prayer. THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU THE END.

2. Missions teams cannot go without financial support. 

Money. I know. It makes people uncomfortable. It also used to make me uncomfortable to ask for it. I had this mindset that I should pay my own way or, "well people should just give to the missions fund at church, then the church can fund the missions," but... God's been changing that mindset in me. Missionaries are ambassadors, not beggars. I love missions, I love the way God commands us to GO, get out there and talk about what He's done, but I never realized that it's important to let other people be part of that. Not everyone has time or the ability to go across the world to talk about Jesus. I am in a place in my life where I have time and I am physically able to go. But what if someone can't physically go to the mission field? What if they don't have vacation time? What if they have 10 kids and can't leave for a week? How can they be part of the Great Commission? They can live missionally, they can send missionaries, they can pray and they can fund.

It gives a whole 'nother level of responsibility to the ones being sent out. When I'm fasting and training and praying and preparing, I am extra mindful of the people who have sacrificed and paid into my personal mission fund. I have to be faithful to what God's called me to for His sake, yes, but also for the sake of the ones who have trusted me with their money for the Kingdom purposes. I can not, must not squander their investment. It's my job to be faithful to give them a good return on their investment. They're literally investing in the trip. They'll see fruit, they'll see photos of the great things God is preparing for us in Nepal!! It helps me prepare, knowing that I'm going to be held responsible for stewarding their money. It's a great responsibility.

SO, if you're still reading, hahaha, I am still raising financial support. My entire trip cost is around $1,700, so, if you can invest in the trip, I would gratefully receive your contribution. As I write this, I'm currently at 77% of my support raising for the trip. I was hoping to be at 85% by last Friday... help me out! I need about $380 to be fully funded.

To donate, please visit my support page here, and if I'm fully funded by the time you read this, maybe you'd like to support other members of my team by clicking here! By funding our team, you're giving a voice to the Gospel. God told us to tell everyone. People need to hear! Thank you for being part of that, and I'm not kidding when I say we take our responsibility seriously! We've worked very hard already and we're not even there yet. This. is. gonna. be. awesome. God is powerful and He can do all things!!

Thank you for your interest in our trip! If you have any questions, you know I'll be oh so happy to talk more about it with you! Shoot me an e-mail, text, facebook message, twitter DM, smoke signal, whatevs. I'm a big fan of Jesus, and I pretty much can't shut up about it.

I love you muchly. Thanks for reading :):)

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, 

as though God were making his appeal through us. 

We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.”

2 Corinthians 5:20

On vulnerability and trust, waiting and seasons.

Life is funny, isn't it? One moment is slow and dreary, and then something kicks things into *high gear* and you realize one day that it's NOVEMBER and you haven't collected any thoughts or stories on your blog since September - yikes! Time flies in fits and spurts. It's time to blog again.

Speaking of high gear... I'm not quite as busy as I was last spring, but this fall has been moving at a break-neck pace. In a really good way. This semester has been so fruitful! Every month this year (and most of last), I've looked back at the previous month and thought whoa, this month was big, whoa this month brought a lot of changes, whoa this month taught me a lot. I've been thinking exactly that for at least 18 months in a row. It's the most incredible personal growth spurt I can imagine. This month, that whoa is exponentially so. Whoa, this month was big. Whoa, this month brought a lot of changes. Whoa, this month taught me a lot. God's been moving powerfully. POWERFULLY.

Last year, I looked at the seasons changing and reflected on how important seasons are.

This year, I've taken another look at the seasons changing and reflected on how important seasons are. Calendar seasons, seasons of life, I absolutely love the relationship. Christine Caine recently posted on her facebook page about that, saying, "Some seasons are more enjoyable than others—all are necessary. Don’t despise the season you are in. God is using it to shape and mold you for what's next!"

Isn't that the truth?

I feel like I recently came out of a long waiting season. Waiting. Preparation. God does so much work in the waiting.

"In the process, in the waiting, 

you're making melodies over me. 

And your presence is the promise. 

I am a pilgrim on a journey." 

- Shepherd, Bethel Music

Waiting.

I used to want control. Of everything. Among other things, I've been learning how to let go of that desire for control and trust. To trust that God has control, and that I can trust Him with that. Though I've had to wait, I can trust Him with so much more than I ever have before.

And I not only believe that now, I want it. I want to relax and release and believe that He knows what He's doing.

I realize that I didn't want to relax for a season or two... maybe even years. I didn't want to relax because I didn't want to release my control. I didn't want the vulnerability that comes with relaxation. Much better to stay rigid and tense and have control over as much as possible, for fear that with release someone might see a chink in my stubborn armor and take advantage of that. Much better to stay tense and stubborn and not get hurt, right? Wrong.

Fear puts up a wall. Walls protect us, but walls also keep people out.

My brother called me out on this last year and I didn't want to hear it. He affirmed me anyway and spoke a lot of truth into my life. "Zara, you use the excuse that you're protecting your heart, but if you never let anyone in, you'll never experience the possibility of joy. You might fail. You might get hurt. That's a possibility. But God's love is like a harness. You can jump, because you are His. His love will catch you."

I was like, um, who are you and what have you done with my brother?  Truth is uncomfortable. My brother’s loving and hard truth began to expose my heart to a bigger picture.

I spent last weekend at a retreat with my church and God spoke into that again and again! I've been going up to New Philly Church in Seoul for a while and have just recently gone through membership and leadership training. Talk about powerful! I love how much my church loves Jesus. The weekend was full of joy and laughter and freedom and safety and trust. Trust provides safety, safety paves a way for freedom. And joy. And so much laughter! The Holy Spirit is beautiful!

Over the past couple of months, I have begun to realize just how much I didn't like to submit to authority and, more importantly, why. See, I like to be super independent and autonomous, but faith isn't meant to be lived in isolation.  We don't see a healthy example of isolated faith anywhere in scripture. Through the membership process, I realized something big. I feared submission because I feared the abuse of authority. Knowing that godly leadership is safe because leaders are accountable to God, based on Hebrews 13:17, brought me to a new level of understanding. Layer upon layer of distrust and fear are being peeled off and it's so FREEING.

A lot of my anxiety about submission also came from fear of rejection. I didn't realize how deep this one ran until a book and a sermon gave me a one-two punch and my eyes were opened. When you open yourself to let people know the real you, without any of the fake, you put yourself in a very vulnerable place. It's hard to let someone love you with all your imperfections. Kris Vallotton says it this way, "...whenever someone values us more than we value ourselves, we tend to sabotage our relationship with that person. Secretly, we don't want them to get close enough to find out that we aren't as good as they think we are..." because if we were to let another person get close, they might "look deep within and see the imperfections we're convinced we see." ...oomph. I chewed on that one for a while. Committing to a person, or to a church, requires vulnerability because, as my brother mentioned over a year ago, you have to let someone in to be able to experience the fullness of joy. We want love, but we fear rejection, without realizing that the fear of potential hurt hinders the possibility of joy.

I'm done with that defense mechanism. I want to be loved, and to love, freely.

The fear of potential hurt hinders the possibility of joy. 

I mentioned that I went to a retreat this weekend. It might have been the best weekend of my life... so powerful! I learned and experienced so much, but one of my takeaways from the weekend was a fresh reminder that guarding your heart isn't about keeping relationships shallow. Invulnerability stunts your heart. Isn't that what my brother tried to tell me? Sin, pride, lust, unforgiveness, these all lead to hardened hearts, but by the grace of God (!!!), we no longer have hearts of stone, but soft hearts of flesh! Because God's love is real, we can be vulnerable. He protects you and enables you to go deep.

I used to fear failure so much that it paralyzed me for good things. To strive for good things. To be open to more love than I'm comfortable with. To be real. I have learned that a broken heart is not something to be avoided at all costs. Why have I been afraid to risk vulnerability? Because failure is scary. Failure with vulnerability could mean hurt.

But God is bigger than that.

But God. Aren't those the best two words you've ever heard?

Maybe you've also been in a waiting season. Maybe your season has been something completely different. If it's been hard, though, may I offer some comfort?

Maybe it's been hard, but God is too methodical for all these trials to not be preparing you for something bigger and better – better than you could have ever put together in your head. By pursuing Him, He will bring you into a place that you've been prepared for. He gives us lessons. He gives us seasons. He makes us wait. I see a lot of wisdom in waiting now: the patience, endurance, struggle, and the fruit that comes of it.

Wait on God because you believe that what you’re waiting for is worth it.

I'm reminded that... 

Seasons were God's idea. God approves of the tension they bring. It's all part of the plan. I think it's important to remember the reality of seasons: love them or hate them, they're going to change.

Sometimes I look at my life in wonder or confusion and I ask, "Jesus, what on earth are you doing?" Even so, I have faith that the God who loves me beyond reason has the best possible plan in store! Lord, where would I go but for you? I do trust you. You know what you're doing. I will continue resting in His providence, growing, looking different and yet the same from season to season, year to year.

And let it be so. 

Adventures in China!

If you remember my last post, I went to China last month! For years I have read about the history, politics, culture. I have dreamed of China for over a decade and then last month, I was there. Travel to a new culture or a new country is always life changing; this is what globetrotters like myself look for when we jump on that flight into the adventure! This trip fell into my summer plans by God's grace, took me to a place I've always wanted to see, and allowed me to minister and be ministered to as part of the family of God. Major blessings? Check.

Officially, I went to China to see the sights and teach English at a Chinese church in the countryside.

It is legal for Chinese citizens to become Christians, as long as Chinese Christians are sharing the Gospel with other Chinese citizens. I did not know that before this trip, but Glory be to God! International (as in mixed-nations) worship, etc., is less legal... 

Got all that? Ok, so....

To kick off the grand adventure, I met up with my teaching partner, Elise, at the airport in Seoul. Our host, Joon, met us in Shanghai to start our trip! 

Y'all, the first 24 hours knocked my socks off. I am utterly infatuated with Shanghai's architecture and general awesomeness. We had Italian food along the river, went for a long wander, and my new friends got to meet the super-nerd that I am, which I usually try to keep under wraps until people know me a little while longer. Nope. They got to know her real fast. I was spaaaaazing out over the architecture! YOU GUYS LOOK AT THAT! OH MY GOODNESS LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT VIEW IS! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS BUILDING! IS THAT A PIRATE SHIP??? WHOAAAAA! 

The 2nd day, we went to a few more Shanghai sights, like Yuyuan Garden. The garden was built by an emperor for his parents, and it is absolutely beautiful, even in the rain. The rain was actually a blessing: it was not hot outside *and* there weren't as many tourists as there would be if it was sunny out. Win-win, in my opinion! 

After the garden, we went to Ancient Street. I was less impressed with Ancient Street, probably due to the really strange street food smells (stinky tofu, salt-covered turtle eggs, and every part of a chicken you can fry) combined with my desperate need for coffee. Joon quickly realized that I wasn't kidding when I said I am addicted to caffeine. It's cool, though, we found crickets in little wicker boxes (with which Elise is posing below), which *obviously* made me start quoting Mulan ("This cricket's a lucky one!" "You are one lucky bug" "What do you mean you're not lucky? You lied to me? And what are you, a sheep??") and then we had bubble tea, which was delicious! Disney and caffeine help me find my happy place :)

Afterwards, we hopped on a train to Hangzhou! Hangzhou is famous for West Lake. There, we had the privilege of watching a water performance called "Impressions of West Lake," which tells the story of the Chinese Romeo & Juliet. The show is like a grand, multimedia ballet on the water, and to give you a hint of *just how amazing it was,* it was directed by the director of the Beijing 2008 Olympics Opening Ceremony. Photos can't even come close to doing it justice, so you're just going to have to buy a ticket to China and see it for yourself.

We saw more sights, did some shopping, drove around a lot in the rain, ate a lot of delicious things (I avoided all not-delicious things), got massages *with fire* and watermelon (!!!), admired the grocery store (seriously one of my favorite things to do in any country: nothing gives you a taste of the culture (pun!) like a supermarket!), and all-in-all had ourselves a grand time!

Hangzhou has the coolest traffic lights I've ever seen, by the way! They have a countdown system instead of a yellow light. They let you know how much longer your light will be green and how much longer you have to wait for the red. I think this is much more logical than a yellow, cause you never know exactly how long that yellow is going to really be yellow. 

They've also got signs reminding you not to drink and drive, which I found mildly hilarious: 

Later in the week, Joon took us to see a brand-new church building nearby. It was incredible to see how God is growing his church all around the world! I knew that there are Christians in China, but I never expected to see a state-of-the-art building like this, there. It's as nice as any new church building I'd see in, for example, The Woodlands, TX, or any other nice area in any country. This was not an underground church, this is not even a church meeting openly in a rented space; no, this is a beautiful new building on its own grounds. The Church that Jesus built, meaning the people who love Him, is meeting out in the open. Pristine. Beautiful. To God be the glory! 

Sanctuary and courtyard

One of the offices 

They're already expanding: they had to add a nursery this year!! 

The potties were even high-tech 

One of the large meeting rooms 

The backyard grounds 

The sanctuary 

Photos of the construction process :)

Over the weekend, we went to church services with Joon at the churches where he serves as a missionary. 

We continued our touristy part of the trip with STREET FOOD! Some of it was... yikes. Some was awesome. Like a coconut with a straw in it. Gimme more of DAT. 

So, basically, I LOVE CHINA and it was a perfect intro-to-China week!

AND THEN I had the incredible privilege to teach at an English Camp out in the Chinese countryside.

Our camp HQ was an old church building, which used to be a factory before being converted for use by the local church body. It's old, it's rural, it's isolated... it was perfect. 

The garden in the next lot had all sorts of food, which we ate at every meal. I love when you see food go from the ground to the stove to your plate, all in one day. Life at its finest! 

We were told that the accommodations would be "uncomfortable" -- now, this was coming from someone who is used to sleeping on the floor and using squatty potties in Korea so... I mentally prepared to have a very uncomfortable sleeping situation, and THEN WE ARRIVED and the beds were not only elevated, they had rope springs that gave it some cushion under the bamboo mat, *and* the church bought brand-new bedding (the purple pillow and blanket in the pic) for us, AND NEW AIR CONDITIONERS for our rooms! Grace! And we only had one spider try to share our space during the week. He probably just wanted to snuggle... not being familiar with Chinese arachnids, we did not give it a chance to explain. 

The bathrooms, of course, were still pretty uncomfortable. Whatever. You get used to it. There are far worse things to deal with in the world than squatty potties, so the fact that this is the most uncomfortable thing I encountered? I'm doing just fine. It was a little awkward to be, you know, and then have someone walk in to use the next stall. Oh hey, you know, I was just... leaving... 

There was no internet at all, and I didn't have a phone that worked in China, so I was disconnected from everything and everyone I've ever known, before this trip. Now, for all you people who might think how spoiled I sound, please don't judge. I'm a Millennial. I've had a cell phone since high school, been on facebook my entire adult life, and I've had a smartphone since college. Every other time I've been without a phone or internet, I've been around people that I know well. This time, for the first time in my life, I had neither. I was headed to the sticks in a country, a culture, a language not my own, with people I'd only just met that week. God was pushing me out of my comfort zone in a way I've never had to be before. I love when He does that. He reminds me that HE is all I need, and He provides. It's terrifying and uncomfortable and sometimes it sucks but I always grow up a lot. Exhilarating. It was glorious! 

Every morning, we'd wash clothes that needed washing by going DOWN TO THE RIVER! Legit!!!! My Swiss-Family-Robinson-fantasies are one step closer to coming true! It felt wild and domestic all at the same time. I am so grateful to have a washing machine in my apartment, but now I know how to wash clothes in the river if the time ever comes that I don't have such a luxury! Fun fun fun lessons. And, bonus, got to spend more time in the river. Always a good thing.

The primary objective was, of course, to learn English and study the Bible using English.

My class was amazing! We level tested everyone on the first night, to place our students in the correct conversation class for their abilities. I taught the advanced level, while Elise taught Intermediate. I had a few adults (the church leadership and chaperons for the camp), a few university students, and a few teenagers. The chaperons' kids came and went during class, so sometimes they'd join in, too. We shared two Teaching Assistants for the week, Justine and Dianna, who are both studying Chinese nearby and attend the same church as most of the other students. 

Elise, our awesome TA's, and me

Every morning, we held separate grammar classes, but in the afternoons we'd combine classes (and energy) to play games and do activities with everyone. Every day at 4 pm, we had Watermelon Time, which I wouldn't mind incorporating into my day-to-day life!! 

People-to-people, to practice body part vocab

Minefield, to practice directions and prepositions

Mafia. Because mafia.

Watermelon time! 

Watermelon time led to a water gun fight and it was excellent

Every evening, we held Bible study for the students. The first night, the students and leaders all shared a little about their faith, whether or not they believed in Jesus, and if they do follow Him, when they came to know him personally. It's so beautiful to hear how different everyone's experience with Christianity is! One of my students had just come to know the Lord and receive baptism the previous month. Many of our students had been raised in families that went to Church, whose grandparents' faith had survived Mao's Cultural Revolution (PTL!) and come out stronger on the other side. Those grandparents were able to teach their grandchildren about the glory of God, the forgiveness of sins, the joy of being *his!* What a legacy for those families! God is so faithful! What. A. Blessing. to serve the Father and share his mighty name!

AND NOW, THE FOOD. 

Let's talk about how much I love Chinese food. I LOVE IT A LOT. I want a Chinese grandma to make me good food all the time. 

Every meal was over-the-top amazing. It was also incredible to watch food go from the way it appears in nature (corn on stalks, carrots in the ground, fish swimming in the river, ducks quacking around the grounds, etc.) to the table. In a few hours. 

 

Our cooking team was amazing. They worked so hard, and with so much genuine love for each other, for Jesus, and for us. I can't wait for the day we all speak the same language in Heaven! 

Just look at what our tables looked like, day after day: 

I mean... right??

The week absolutely flew by. We went for walks along the river, walks through town, watched The Sound of Music with a projector on the wall (with Korean subtitles...in China...), relaxed, went on the scariest van ride of my life up in the mountains in the rain, walked down said mountain in the rain, celebrated Baby Frank's 3rd birthday with the coolest birthday candle everrrrr, and generally had a blast getting to know and love each other better and better! 

Then all of a sudden it was the weekend! 

Friday night held a special surprise, which was quite unexpected. I was asked to preach at the local community's prayer meeting (through a translator of course). What!?!? They asked me to speak at 7 pm... at the service which began at 7 pm... so it caught me a *little* off-guard! Wouldn't you know, though, that God had been preparing a message? I LOVE HOW GOD DOES CRAZY THINGS LIKE THAT. You see, all week I'd been feeling this little nudge to read through Romans. As I read through it, verse after verse jumped off the page. I had this strong feeling that I needed to do something with those particular verses, so I started to write them down and meditate on them. Then, lo and behold, when I was asked to speak to the gathering of believers and students, I had already, unknowingly, prepared. Earlier I mentioned that many (or most) of our students already followed the Lord, but a few had not made that decision. Because of this, I felt like God wanted me to start with the basics. There is nothing that I could say that is more important than the Word of God itself. I love speaking Scripture. 

So that's what I spoke. 

We read though Romans 1:19-20, 1:25, 2:4, 3:22-23, 4:13; Hebrews 11:8-10, 13; Romans 4:16, 5:2, 5:20, 6:10-11, 6:18, 6:22, 7:6, 7:15, 8:1, 8:3, 8:11, 8:35-37, 10:9-11, 14:11, 15:13. (Check out all those verses here)

Through those verses, God illustrates his power and divinity, recaps mankind's rejection of him, and reminds us of the redemption available through Jesus, that our repentance and faith bring us back to communion with him! He showcases Abraham, his friend, a mighty man of faith, as an example for us to follow. He makes clear that God Himself, in Jesus Christ, accomplished what the law could not do, which allows us to stand together in the great hope of God. 

I had the privilege to preach the Gospel in China. Do you understand what a strong moment that was for me? Never, never did I expect to utter a sentence like that. Do you hear what I'm saying? The Good News of Jesus Christ, directly from the source. The Good News, connecting those scriptures to our week, to our lives, to the fact that all believers are all one in Jesus: Chinese and American, and any other nationality in between. The Cross bridges cultures, transforms us into family. This faith is real. Real. The faith in that congregation is real. And amazing to behold! We worshiped and rejoiced in the reality that every tongue will one day confess that He is Lord. The Truth reigns! 

Going to Sabbath service the next day was powerful. You guys. Let that sink in. Church. Service. Open worship. Not underground. In China. 

After church, four of my beautiful new friends received baptism down in the river. Powerful!! It's hard to describe the joy of watching friends receive water baptism, witnessing to the forgiveness of their sins and their new life in Christ, so I'll just show you these: 

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 4:4-6

The blessings continued to fall on me as Elise and I were asked to share our testimonies during the service (Christianese church-lingo translation: testimony = the story of how you have come to know Jesus and what that means in your life). Mine is a story of baby steps toward Amazing Grace. In short, I grew up believing that God (in Trinity) is real, and I always knew that He loves me. I accepted Jesus as my Savior as a teenager at church camp, but I didn't entirely realize what an important step that is, nor what my response should be. In college, God used Breakaway Ministries and the discipleship of good friends and a local church home to teach me the disciplines of personal prayer and daily Bible reading. Those two, together, powerfully transformed my life and I ultimately realized that calling Jesus "Lord" and expecting him to serve me was backwards. In a period of huge transition in my life, I finally gave God complete control (not that I don't try to wrestle it back from him from time to time) and he powerfully changed my direction and set me on fire for him and the things that break his heart. 

I continued my testimony by sharing how expat life has taught me to depend on God, the Ultimate Foreigner in a distant land. I shared about the grace with which he has slowly, patiently, tenderly peeled off layers of old habits, idols, and destructive thinking. How he teaches me obedience, trust, grace, and humility (and keeps reminding me of these, lest I forget). How he is actively teaching me to believe him, to receive his good gifts, to trust his love. That if I'm seeking him, he'll never steer me in the wrong direction. 

I will continue to follow him, wherever he leads me because he is Almighty. His power is made perfect in weakness. He has never led me down a wrong path and he never will. I remain eternally grateful. 

My story's far from over, and it's ever-changing, but I love to share this testimony of what he has done and continues to do in me! This trip to China testifies to God's amazing grace! My job there was to teach English and share what God's taught me through his Holy Word, and of course the Lord ministered to me through my host community the whole time. Reciprocal exchange, wisdom, cultural differences, joy, friendship, life!! L'chaim! 

We boarded the buses in the rain to go back to civilization, to normalcy. Endings and departures are bittersweet. This is also part of life as a globe-trotter. Nothing is forever, but each experience is rich in lessons and relationships. The joy of saying goodbye to other believers is that it is not the end forever. We have hope above and we will, of course, meet again in glory! 

In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My comforter, my all in all,

Here in the love of Christ I stand!