If you're coming to Korea soon: Toilet edition #awkward #TMI

I have several people planning on visiting this spring and most of them have never been to Korea before, so they have been asking me all sorts of good questions about the basics of life over here. I figured it'd be a good idea to revisit my "If you're coming to Korea soon" series and add a few things for travelers and new expats alike!

First things first, you should know the basics of the bathrooms. I'm a girl, so I've only got ladies' room experience, but I'm pretty sure men's rooms have urinals that function like normal urinals all over the world. Proceed with the lesson.

This is a typical bathroom at the university where I work. Ta da!

1. Toilet Paper

Many many bathrooms in Korea don't have toilet paper in the stalls. You are expected to get an appropriate amount ready before you enter the stall. Sometimes that is... awkward... to say the least. I find that it's better to over-prepare, if you know what I mean, cause it's better to be safe than sorry! #realtalk #awkward #TMI?

Sometimes you forget to look, and you find yourself all situated in the stall, only to realize there is no TP in the stall and you should have paid attention before you entered, just in case. OH DEAR. Or maybe the communal TP dispenser was out of paper. You might get lucky and find the end of the last roll hiding somewhere in the stall, but probably not. In these cases, it's a really good idea to carry a packet of tissues or napkins! Most women carry handbags, so this is easy, but for men, I guess if you carry a satchel or backpack, throw in some tissue! YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.

2. Commodes and bidets 

Ok so now that you're in the stall and you have a nice handful of TP, let's look at the situation. Some commodes come with a bidet function. (FYI: when I say commode, I mean the porcelain thing you're actually sitting on.) I won't go into all the details of how to use a bidet, but basically it's a toilet accessory that will spray water on your nether-regions from a couple different directions and with different pressures. There are pictures to help you decide which button to push, if you are so brave. It took me several months to work up the courage to push a button but maybe you're braver than I am! They are pretty much fantastic. SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN! #awkward #TMIforsure 

As you can see from the next picture, not all commodes have the fancy bidet buttons. 

3. Throw your toilet paper in the bin (or not) 

All toilets in Korea will have a bin for your TP when you are finished. You are expected to use the bin instead of flushing your dirty paper. I'd say most foreigners ignore this cultural difference... I know I do. I think it's REALLY REALLY unsanitary and unnecessary, plus it makes all bathrooms in Korea smell nasty. NASTY. Ugh. 

Most large cities have good plumbing by now, so I refuse to throw anything in the bin because GROSS. Small towns and older buildings, unfortunately, do not always have great plumbing so you should probably throw your paper in the bin in those situations. Use discretion. A lot of stalls will post a sign asking that you don't flush *anything* not even toilet paper, but if you forget and do it anyway, don't panic. Life will go on, you just might clog a toilet along the way. 

Fun fact: some trash bins are so large that they block the stall door from opening all the way. Oh Korea. 

4. Wash your hands

Ok so by now you've finished your primary objective and you want to wash your hands. Some bathrooms will have liquid soap and paper towels - if you find these bathrooms ENJOY THEM! They're rare. A lot of bathrooms have this soap on a stick contraption, shown in the picture below. I know, right?? Picture using the soap and, go on, let your inner 12 year old boy giggle away. We've all been there. #awkward. Soap on a stick is mostly sanitary enough, though sometimes it looks germy and gross. Sometimes you'll just see a bar of soap sitting in slimy water... ew... so I usually carry around wet wipes (물티슈 or "mool tissue" in Korean) and/or hand sanitizer. 

You might not be able to reach the soap on a stick because someone's standing at the first sink doing their makeup or something, blocking it. You have some options here: you can either push them out of the way or stand awkwardly close until they get the idea that you need soap. This will also happen to you if you block the soap. Or... people just don't wash their hands. Yuck, how do people think this is a good idea? THE GERMS, people, the GERRRRRMS!

 

5. Dry your hands (or not) 

Oftentimes, there isn't a way to dry your hands, so prepare to shake them off and use your jeans to dry your hands. Sometimes there is a cloth towel hanging on a bar, but who knows the last time it was washed? Sometimes they look fine, but germs are invisible and evil, so I hesitate to use them. Sometimes, though, they even look dirty and then I just opt out of drying my hands. Drip dry, people. Drip dry.

6. Squatty potties

They probably deserve their own blog post sometime, but for now just know that they're out there and you might encounter them. They still exist all over Korea, even in modern buildings. Some people actually prefer them; I am not one of those.  Most (not all) places that have squatty potties will also have a western toilet or two, with a sign indicating which is which on the door, so just look before you go in.

And there you have it! A tour of a typical, nice bathroom in Korea. Be prepared for anything, you'll probably see it all. 

I didn't have eye surgery

Hey Korea.

What's that?

No I didn't have eye surgery.

Yes, I know I'm wearing sunglasses.

Yes, I know it's winter.

It's also sunny outside and I was squinting, so I put on my sunglasses... because it's sunny.

In Korea, it's uncommon to see people wearing sunglasses in the winter, even if it's a very bright day. Sunglasses are a seasonal accessory, apparently. If you're wearing sunglasses in the winter, you either had eye surgery or, well, you're probably a foreigner. Oh Korea! 

Duck Dynasty: I don't stand with Phil but I don't hate him either.

If you aren’t American and/or friends with Americans all over the internet, you may not have heard that a reality TV star just got in trouble with his network for saying his opinion in an interview with a magazine. That star is Phil Robertson of the TV show Duck Dynasty on A&E. Different people have ALL DIFFERENT opinions on if he was right or wrong, if A&E was right or wrong for suspending him, with all possible combinations of angry and/or passionate reactions in between. Google it and find out maybe more than you care to read, but I decided to blog a bit about it so here you are.

Hello. I am a white, heterosexual girl from Texas (though I currently live in South Korea). I'm going to talk for a minute about "standing with Phil" ...or not.

I love Jesus. I'm from a hunting family. My family is reasonably obsessed with Duck Dynasty. I wanted to be a Duck Dynasty Man for Halloween but I don't have camo or a fake beard in Korea. Along the lines of #confessyourunpopularopinion, I don't actually love the show itself... I think it's way too staged and caricature-y, but I do love things about it, like it's a home-town-feel-good Christians-who-love-family-and-hunting kind of show. (The episode where the men took their prissy-city-girl wives hunting drove me CRAZY. It was clearly springtime, not huntin' season! And any good woman who lives in a huntin' family knows not to wear perfume in the deer stand! There's no way Missy would have missed that crucial lesson. It was all just a set up for an easy gag involving mud and a bit of “oh look at the princess who doesn’t know what to do in a deer stand, bless her heart.” Stereotypes: 1, Princesses: 0)

Many people who *love* the show have posted facebook post after twitter post about standing with Phil. Just search the hashtag #standwithphil and you'll see a billion outraged conservatives freaking out. Loudly.

Every time the internet explodes with a firestorm of CHRISTIANS-VS-THE REST OF YOU SINNERS, I feel super awkward. I don't want to hit people upside the head with my faith. I'd rather love people in community and tell them to read the Bible, then let the Word of God and the Holy Spirit do the convicting and changing (as it promises to do), rather than condemn and criticize people into change. I don't believe that's my place. I know there's a balance between "calling brothers out in love" and "sitting idly by" but I guess I haven't found it yet. I'm not a perfect Christian; I've still got (a lot of) growing to do. Praise the LORD that by His grace, growing will happen. (Also, that part about calling *brothers* out is about *people who are confessing believers in Jesus Christ as the only way to salvation* not about society at large. Feel free to disagree with me.)

Another #confessyourunpopularopinion moment = I don't stand with Phil.

Now, I don't think Phil is speaking from a place of hate, but I don't think his words were, um, tactful. I think he is a man who fears God; I also think what he said was ...not for pubic consumption. The exact words were more... hmm... well... honestly, they struck me as the type of thing someone would say after a few beers on a family holiday. I know Phil's not a drinking man, but his words are the kind of thing that makes me squirm.

"It seems like, to me, a vagina - as a man - would me more desirable than a man's anus." -Phil Robertson

Excuse me. If someone said those words in my presence, I would cringe. CRINGE. I'm a lady. You do not say words like "vagina" and "anus" around a lady. It's crass.

He also said:

“Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers – they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right” - Phil Robertson

Ok. I am pretty sure that’s all in line with the Bible. Yay, I think he’s mostly quoting scripture! And whether you agree with him or not, the list doesn't stop there. It’s only through Jesus that we’re saved. That’s what CS Lewis meant when he said, “That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither.” – it’s Jesus who transforms the self-righteous prig and the prostitute. Neither homosexuals nor heterosexuals (no anyone else with any other label) will inherit the kingdom of God without the blood of Jesus over their sins.

Phil also said some ignorant and offensive things about black people based on his personal experience (and perhaps limited view?):

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I'm with the blacks, because we're white trash. We're going across the field.... They're singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.” - Phil Robertson

I really disagree with those thoughts. They are incredibly historically inaccurate, but *they are his thoughts* and he is entitled to them. I am entitled to be appalled. You are entitled to feel however the heck you want. I’m much more dismayed about what he said about black people than what he said about homosexuality. It’s not ok.

The reality is, he's got a right to think or say whatever he wants. It's AMERICA. If you’re in America, you have a right to think or say whatever you want. We don’t have to agree. It’s beautiful. It’s ugly. It’s real.

He grew up in a very different world than I did. His paradigm has been shaped by entirely different experiences. Now, I don't think he represents all American Christians and I don't think A&E is wrong for suspending him. I don't think he's being persecuted, I think the company is covering their... business... in line with their company culture. It's all fine. It is what it is.

I would be LYING if I told you I never say things I regret. I hope the internet never explodes because of something I say the way it’s exploding on Phil and A&E right now. I know that Phil loves Jesus with all his heart. I know that he is my brother in Christ and one day we will both be standing before the throne of God, washed in his love and grace and mercy, made righteous by the blood of Jesus Christ, not by any good thing we have done, not tarnished anymore by the bad things we have done (or the stupid things we’ve said). [cue weepy tears because of the crazy love with which God loves us. ohhhh Jesus!]

***

I read a few AWESOME posts about The Duck Thing over the past few days. Here are a few of those posts with poignant excerpts:

From Jen Hatmaker - The Duck Thing: Is There Another Way?

I know. No one needs to spill any more ink over the Duck Dynasty Debacle. I’m barely online these days, and even I was saturated with the crazy. A quick scroll through Facebook revealed about an 85% DD preoccupation in my feed, whether it was for, against, or that uber cool other response: “I don’t even care.” (But I will go ahead and make that my status...sic.)

As many have mentioned, this is clearly not a First Amendment issue. Phil had every right to say whatever he wanted. He could take issue with any people group or demographic on earth, right into a microphone. This isn’t North Korea [shout out to my side of the world!] where the wrong public statement lands you in prison. Or dead. Freedom of speech means you are free to speak. The end.

It does not mean you are free from consequences. Isn’t this obvious?

...

We are not judges, because how could we possibly be?? How dare we? What right do we have to cut someone to the quick when we are nothing but sinners saved by grace? Sanctification is Jesus’ territory, and we can safely leave Him to it; He can handle the human heart. Our only sane offering to our fellow man is mercy.

...

For me, this is the most extreme obedience to “biblical truth” I can imagine. I think of my gay and black friends watching the outcry this week, and I can’t help but think the gospel yet again feels like a bludgeon to them, not a real balm, a real grace, a real sanctuary. And the tragedy is, Jesus is the most real source of mercy in the history of time, and He loves us all with a fierce, indescribable love, and none of us deserve it any less than anyone else, and THAT is the shocking headline we should be proclaiming.

...

I’m going to choose love.

From Kirstin Howerton - Duck Dynasty, first amendment rights, and Christian values

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Comparing black people to white trash is cringey, but suggesting that black people were happier during segregation? That because Phil never heard a black person publicly complain BACK IN THE ERA OF LYNCHING means that they must have been satisfied with the state of things? This is so racially tone-deaf that it reminds me of the time Paula Deen romanticized the slaves as being “like family”. Not to mention, the subtext of his remarks is that black people nowadays are entitled, unGodly, discontented welfare recipients. So when I see people as “standing with Phil” based on their Christian values, I really have to ask . . . how does an apologist for our country’s ugly Jim Crow legacy represent Christian values?

As a Christian, Phil’s views on gay people and on black people do not represent me, and I’m embarrassed by those who are holding him up as a martyr or an example. I get that Phil is dear to many . . . he’s a likable guy and a very public Christian. But that doesn’t excuse his ignorant remarks, nor does it mean that he gets a pass from accountability.

Regardless of where we fall in the “is homosexuality a sin” debate, as Christians, our greatest charge is to LOVE. I don’t feel that Phil’s remarks were loving to gay people or to black people. And I don’t believe the blind support he is getting from Christians is very loving, either.

And Kristin's follow up to her own post - A short history lesson of racism in Louisiana for those who may be confused 

Again, I don’t think it’s uncommon, nor do I think he intended to be racist. But as we grapple as a nation to move forward with racial reconciliation, we cannot continue to pretend that slavery or Jim Crow were not that big a deal because the mythical happy black person overcame by singing songs.  These were horrible times for black people, and to suggest otherwise is incredibly tone-deaf.

Now, I know that Phil is not a perfect person, and that his views and statements on race reflect what a whole lot of folks of his generation might say on the matter. But that doesn’t give him a pass. I’m not calling for a witch hunt, but I’m am suggesting that we stop defending people who defend racism, because it makes us complicit, too.

And the post that encouraged me to throw in my two cents, rather than sit by and let everyone duke it out on facebook:

From Osheta Moore - Oh Honey! Come Here, I Think Your Privilege Is Showing

Because I do get disappointed with white celebrities from the South.  Like I was with Paula Deen and now I am with Phil Robertson of the A&E reality show, “Duck Dynasty”.   Their ignorance is showing and I’m sad.  Once again, they’ve revealed that the racism of the South is still infecting good and Godly people.

Since I wrote last on racism, privilege, and diversity, I’ve had several white bloggers, most of them happen to live or come from the South say to me, “I really want to talk about this but I don’t think I have the right to, I mean…I’m white”.

To which I say, because you’re white, you need to talk about it.  Because you haven’t had to think about it, you need to think about it now.  Because you’re in your homogenous bubble, you need to hear my story as a black woman in America so you can share it with your white, and at times, clueless readers.

The truth is, your voice matters and it has power. As a white blogger in the South,  your acknowledgement of my experience brings a much-needed validation to the racism I dealt as a young, insecure black girl in a predominately white community. If I know you care enough to listen, then I know I can trust you and can hear the best of your words. Speak up and speak life! Your voice can reverberate across the wounded places of my heart and the echos of your acceptance has to power to heal deep, deep offenses!

...

If you ignore this, then I’m sorry….but Honey, I think your privilege is showing.

Even though you are white please, speak up!  Get on your blogs and tell us that comments like Phil Robertson’s is not ok. Don’t deflect by saying we should care about more important topics.  That invalidates the offense.  Please say to your African-American readers that you know and you understand their frustration.  Maybe you can’t relate and that’s ok…but for the love of God, please, start the conversation!

I need to see that.

...

Put the power of your privilege to work and speak up.  Don’t let the internet be void of your voice on this topic and don’t allow yourself to have distorted views of black people or racial reconciliation for fear of letting your ignorance show.

I can handle it. I’ve borne the humiliation of my letting my dark skin show for over thirty years, I think can bear yours for a bit.

Step out the echo chamber of your privilege and recognize that I am a human being just like you, a woman just like you, a mama who loves her babies something fierce and I weep at the beauty of our Jesus—just like you.  Recognizes these truths and start the conversation with me.

And if you'd like to go straight to the source of all the hoopla, I give you the GQinterview with Phil Robertson: What The Duck?

***

I'll tell you what I do agree with. After it all hit the fan, Phil Robertson said:

“I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

Phil Robertson is a brother in Christ. I don’t agree with many of my brothers and sisters in Christ, but, you must see, they are still my “family.” I don’t agree with things Joel Osteen says, but I still think he loves Jesus. I disagree with a lot of what Mark Driscoll says, but I still think he loves Jesus. Ours isn’t a one-size-fits-all faith.

At the end of the day, it’s about Jesus. Do you believe in one God, the trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of the Father who died on the cross as the atonement for our sin? Do you receive salvation by the blood of Christ? Do you believe in one ecumenical church?

We can disagree and still love each other.

The most profound truth that I come back to is something Jim Behling, my camp director at Deer Creek Camp, says over and over and over: “Follow no man further than he follows Christ.” If someone is a brother or sister in the Lord, then hang with them. If they start to go off-course from what God speaks to us in the Scriptures, then you follow GOD. God never disagrees with himself. He speaks through the Spirit and the Word, that is, the Bible. Wanna know how to live this Christian life? Get into the Bible, do what it says, and go love one another.

I don’t stand with Phil, but I don’t hate him. At the end of the day, I hope we all understand: we can disagree and still love each other.

A Perciful Christmas

I was asked to write an article for the school's English newspaper this week. Most folks have written a time or two. I thought it was a lot of fun! "You can write on any topic," they told me. 'Anything?' I wondered, 'That's soooo broad... what will I... *eyes glance at the calendar*'
BOOM. Christmas. Done. 

I was told it had to be one page. Only one. One? It's hard to be that succinct about MY FAVORITE TOPIC but I tried. I could probably write an encyclopedia about my family's Christmas, but I just squeaked it in (leaving out SO MANY beautiful anecdotes and details!). One page it is. 

Not all of our students are familiar with the Western idea of Christmas and they have varying levels of English vocabulary, so I *tried* to keep that in mind. I can get carried away with details and fun words like pontificate (oh, the irony, right?). Alas...

Here's what I wrote! 

A Perciful Family Christmas

by Zara Perciful 

If you have ever talked to me during November or December, you will know that Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday! I started decorating my apartment in October. I get super excited about all things Christmas. I listen to Christmas music, I hang twinkling lights, and I drink mint mochas (one of my Christmas traditions) as often as I can.

Back at home, my family always celebrates Christmas together. My mom makes cranberry bread for breakfast on Christmas morning. We open presents from our parents, we give gifts to our siblings, and of course we open our Christmas stockings! Christmas stockings are a tradition where the parents leave small gifts for their children in a large sock-shaped bag, but we pretend that the gifts were left by Santa Claus.

Around lunchtime, the extended family gathers together at my grandparents’ home. The atmosphere is loud and lively because there are 30 people or more, with many children and adults. Imagine walking in the front door: I see the front staircase decorated with Christmas greenery and lights, I see my cousins running in the hallway and thundering up the stairs, I see piles of gifts strategically placed. Mountains of crumpled wrapping paper lie in boxes and trash bags, glitter and ribbons are strewn about.

We snack all afternoon, exchange gifts with extended family, then eat a big Christmas dinner in the dining room with food like turkey, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green beans, and this weird carrot-orange-jello-thing that my aunt always makes. We have pumpkin pie or pecan pie for desert. After dinner, we play games or watch my cousins play the guitar and sing. It’s a fantastic day of laughing and talking, shouting, watching football, and a hundred other things. As the song goes, “tis the season to be jolly!” The Perciful family does Christmas well.

As much fun as it is to celebrate with family as a Western cultural holiday, Christmas really brings the most joy to those for whom Christ is Savior. People who have accepted the grace that God offers can be more delighted by the birth of Christ at Christmas than anyone who has yet to receive that grace can understand. I wish grace and peace to you this Christmas, wherever you are! Merry Christmas!

Spatial awareness: an observation of personal space, or lack thereof.

I'm sitting in a Dunkin' Donuts, waiting for a bus, basking in the free a/c and the fact that I can charge my phone. 

There are empty tables everywhere. Of the 15 tables in the cafe, 3 are occupied. 

A man walks in, gets his donuts and drink, then picks a table. Right. Next to. Me. 

I reiterate. There are 12 empty tables. 6 are not near any of the other seated customers. 

...

In my marketing classes at Texas A&M, we talked about the "butt rule" for spacing. When people are shopping, they don't want others in a 3 foot radius of their butt. Personal space, yo! We also talked about how that compares to the "urinal rule," where it's considered awkward, uncomfortable, and even rude to stand directly next to another dude in the baño. (Back me up guys, cause as a chica, I've never experienced that.) Dudes are supposed to choose the urinal farthest away from any other occupied space. There's even an iPhone game to practice courteous bathroom spacing (yeah I've played. don't judge me. we all do crazy things in college). 

Both are important rules of spacing in western culture. Since living in Korea, I have learned that these precious principles of personal space just don't apply here. 

Say you're at an amphitheater waiting for a show to begin. For the sake of example, let's say that it's not crowded and you're early. You check out the scene, evaluate the already-seated audience full of strangers, then judge the distances between each group. The common next step for westerners would be to choose a seat that puts as much space, equidistantly, between your group and the next closest patrons. Space out the audience, give everyone ample elbow room. You want to be considerate. Don't invade anyone's (public) privacy and/or personal space. 

Personal experience in Korea has taught me that this method of operation is not common here. At all. 

Case in point: homeboy that is sitting directly next to me and my duffle bag in the coffee shop at the bus terminal. Heyyyy. You are awfully close. There were so many other seating options. 

So many. 

So of course you sit by me and my stuff. 

*beware the expat blogger. we are a sneaky bunch of stealth photographers when cultural observations need documenting. you've been warned*

(And, once you finish your donuts, you stare at me. Obnoxiously, obviously stare. For half an hour. I CAN SEE YOU IN MY PERIPHERAL VISION. Ugh the staring! But that's another post for another day...)