Seasons may change but God never does: Part 2

 "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different..." - C.S. Lewis 


Seasons are designed to change, but God never does.

As I mentioned in the first post (and if you haven't read it, start here, it's short), I was in a tough growing season for a while. Sharp grow spurts aren't easy, nor are they always fun (though they can be!!), but the benefits far outweigh the pain. I have seen a lot of changes in my life in various areas. It's really neat to look back at the differences from even just a few months ago. God has been working on me, convicting me and challenging me a lot, especially about being satisfied with what I've been given rather than discouraged because of what I don't have.

I've spoken to a number of people who are going through different seasons in their lives about the tension in seasons, the waiting, the changes, the ups, the downs, etc. and I've learned quite a bit.

Personally, my most recent growth spurt started like this:

Living overseas can be lonely. Being single can be lonely. I miss my family, I miss my home country. I love this life, I really do or I wouldn't stay so many years! My expat community is fantastic, it's true. We have a lot of love for each other and form a psuedo-family by necessity. I'm not sure how long this overseas season of my life will last. For now, I don't see an end in sight. Being an expat is exciting, but it's a trade-off. When I'm here, I'm not there. That being said... I occasionally get caught in the comparison game, like many people do. Most of the time I know that's ridiculous. Harboring feelings of resentment just because someone else's life looks different from mine? That's jealousy, and it's dumb, cause helloooo my own life is pretty darn nifty as it is! Jesus is doing some great things here and WHY should I be unsatisfied? Comparison does no one a service. Why would I want to diminish the goodness of what God's doing in my life in this season because a different season (or the next great adventure) seems* full of so much new excitement and wonder?

*"seems" can be so deceiving. 

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A while back, I was talking to a good friend who's in the "married & motherhood season of life" about this. She expressed surprise that I sometimes get discouraged or lonely, because "it seems like I have such an enviable life," because what she sees on facebook is all ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE! But then she came to the conclusion that it's not all that surprising after all. She mentioned that I'm "free and able to travel and experience new things," while she's the "wife/mom/church volunteer/part time worker bee/typical American MOM" and that we often get caught up in a grass is greener on the other side mentality. We're human. It's what we do.

Now, I've noticed a trend on the internet: we are all getting sick of the comparison game. We see each other's best moments highlighted on facebook, blogs, instagram, wherever, and we bemoan the fact that our lives don't look so perfect. I think I've read a dozen similar posts about this ridiculous comparison thing where we "should" ourselves into feeling bad (this one is by far my favorite)(this one's really really good too).

Along those lines, I took a break from facebook for a few weeks in November... facebook had become a negative thing in my life, colluding on feelings of loneliness and isolation. I was struggling with feeling satisfied with this season because I was coveting others' seasons. (Notice I said "feeling satisfied," rather than "being satisfied." Oh, all these feeeeeelings! Sometimes I am 100% sure that feelings are dumb. Feelings are such liars sometimes!)

In the fall, I found myself in a rut of bitterness, discontentment, and discouragement and I desperately needed something to change.

When my married-mom-worker-bee friend said that it seems like I have "such an enviable life," in a way she's right. I mean, there's a reason I moved overseas. The draw of the expat life: the unknown, the newness, the challenges, the adventure. As an expat, it's true that I have a chance to do crazy stuff that many people at home can't (or don't) do, BUT why must we compare? Not to mention, more of my time is spent doing non-expat-life things, anyway. Work, bills, groceries, coffee, friends, church. Normal, everyday tasks. I just happen to live overseas while I do them. (Not to mention, most people don't post pictures of doing laundry or (cough, *not*) cleaning their apartment. We'd much rather post pictures of the exciting things, which don't happen all the time. The little things that make up life here are much the same as little things that make up life at home. We only post the highlight reel.) 

My cousin and I also talked about it. She's working on her PhD in Psychology, so she knows her business. She mentioned that comparison is such a natural human tendency and it's much harder to internalize praise than it is to internalize negative criticism, "whether it comes from ourselves or others." I think that many of us internalize criticisms that are founded in comparison. We look at the lives around us, on facebook, wherever, and we scold ourselves for not being as _______ as that person over there.

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Now. Why should I give my time and attention to feelings of inadequacy? I don't want anything to receive more time and attention than my relationship with God - not even good things and certainly not negative things. Isn't comparison just a way we indirectly complain about our circumstances? Ben Stuart (director of Breakaway Ministries) says it this way: complaining about circumstances dishonors God, just like complaining about food dishonors a cook. Why should I give my time and attention to comparison and bitterness?? Don't I trust God? Don't I believe that He has something better for me than that?

And with that, I took a 21 day facebook-hiatus [back in November] to break the habit, to break the idol.

It was awesome.

 

As the seasons shifted, autumn to winter, I asked myself some tough questions, then I took an account of all that God has done. That process helps me release bitterness and focus on joy. I think it's good to periodically evaluate the seasons you've been traveling through. Spiritual exercise takes discipline.

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Going off the grid helped a lot, freeing up a lot of time to be productive in other areas, even though it freaked my family out that I was suddenly missing!! The morning after I disabled my account, I woke up to, like, 7 missed calls and texts wondering where I went. It's good to know you're missed! **BIG realization there about how TRUE this is.** While my family loves that fb is an easy way to keep up with my comings-and-goings, I don't always realize that they're paying attention. When you're fb stalked, you don't receive the benefits of two-way communication, the community. Facebook has a way of taking the exchange out of relationships, lending to consumerism instead of connections. A short hiatus reminded me, and them, how we have to be careful about facebook lurking. It reminded us how important it is to interact and let people know you're thinking of them. It's good to know you are loved!

Relevant says it this way: "In reality, community isn’t always supposed to be comfortable. Real community is messy. Real community is unedited. Real community involves taking time to actually be with people, even if that means finding time by making sacrifices. It means investing emotion into someone else’s life—even if you get nothing in return. It means getting hurt and getting involved. It means taking the filters off and embracing the parts of your friends’ lives that haven’t been cropped out of a picture or have gone unmentioned in a status update."

I had been feeling very lonely and isolated, which was weird cause my family, friends, etc, were actually paying a attention to me, loving on me from afar, I just didn't know it. Going off the grid helped shift the way we interact on social media, and I believe helped us reevaluate what is important. We've gotten much better at this!

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Anyway.

While I was off the social media grid, God kept sending me reminders that he IS there, he HAS a plan, he KNOWS what he's doing, and he DOESN'T make mistakes.

And while the seasons outside my window changed, I contemplated the similarities to seasons of life. 

I spent much more of my time digging into the Bible. It was an incredibly fruitful transition!! Jesus keeps growing me and maturing me in ways that I wouldn't expect and I. LOVE. THAT. I love looking back at the Zara who was and realizing that I'm not really her now. It's especially fun as a blogger because I can re-read old blog posts and laugh at myself. I am still me, of course. I am still Zara. It's just... It's like a tree...

I'm like a tree. 

A tree is always a tree but it looks so different in every season! For example, take the cherry trees that grow along my street. In the spring, they're bare at first, but slowly they grow light pinkish-white blossoms that float down like floral snow as the weeks go by. As the blossoms fade, their fresh green leaves bud and fill the branches. Through the summer, they're bright and clean, green and shady. In the fall, the leaves catch fire and astonish me with their vivid oranges, reds, golds, and faded brown beauty. As the winter approaches, their leaves drift away down the street to be replaced by snow and icicles or simple bare branches. The next spring, the changes continue but the tree has grown an entire year. It's not the same tree that saw the last spring, yet it is still the very same tree.

I didn't take a picture in the spring last year, but here's the general idea that I'm going for: 

Same street. Same trees. Same hills. Same hospital building in the distance. Same sky.

All seasons are a trade-off. Some seasons look prettier than others. 

For each season, you gain something. For each season, you miss something.

In nature,
seasons of planting.
seasons of growth.
seasons of harvest.
seasons of plenty.  seasons of want.

In humanity,

seasons of boredom.

seasons of adventure followed by seasons of frustration. 

seasons of Sabbath rest. 

seasons that are much more hectic than I think I can handle. 

seasons of waiting. 
seasons of life overseas. 
seasons of study, 
of travel. 

seasons of bitterness.

seasons of security. 

seasons of this career. 

seasons of that career. 

seasons of the next thing to come.

Have you considered that God designed seasons? They were His idea. God approves of the tension they bring. It's all part of the plan. I think it's important to remember the reality of seasons: love them or hate them, they're going to change.

Seasons are designed to change, but God never does.

(take comfort in that.)

"For I am the LORD, I do not change," 

     Malachi 3:6a

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

James 1:16-17

"Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever." 

     Hebrews 13:8

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God." 

Psalm 90:1-2

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Sometimes I look at my life in wonder or confusion and I ask, "Jesus, what on earth are you doing?" Even so, I have faith that the God who loves me beyond reason has the best possible plan in store! Lord, where would I go but for you? I do trust you. You know what you're doing. I will continue resting in His providence, growing, looking different and yet the same from season to season, year to year. 

It was definitely a good season, even if it was a hard season, and now it's time for the next season. Through it all, God is so good. 

Seasons may change but God never does: Part 1

This year, more than any other, I've fallen in love with seasons. For all the positive things about my homeland, Texas isn't really renowned for its seasonal variety, so all this *seasons stuff* is very new to me.

Spring in South Korea is stunningly gorgeous. As April arrives, so do the cherry blossoms. Love them. It's like pink snow in the trees. After the cherry blossoms drift from the trees in cascades of floral delight, the azaleas bloom, lighting up the streets around Jeonju with bright pink and magenta joy. After the azaleas, the roses. THE ROSES. Gardens of them, just begging to be admired. I tell you, spring is lovely.

Summer has long been my favorite season, with its beach vacations and sweltering temps, trips to the river and never-ending sunshine (and freckles! and sunburns...). I'll take 100 degrees (~38*C) and be happy, so long as I can jump in the water. I love some summa-time.

Autumn stunned me this year, as I've mentioned. The trees turned to flame with color like I'd never experienced. I couldn't help myself; I smiled every time I turned the corner and found another view of gold and orange and red and brown.

And finally: Winter, here we are again, nearing its last days. Thanksgiving dawned bright and white with the first fresh blanket of snow. This past weekend in Seoul, it snowed quite a bit. Snow perfectly delights me, much to my surprise. When I moved to this country with it's famed "seasons," I didn't think I would like this last one at all. Snow won me over. And the cold? Well, I don't hate it as much as I used to. Back in December, I actually uttered the phrase "Nah, it's not that cold tonight. I'll walk home." -- Y'ALL. It was 48 degrees out. Am I still from Texas??? 'Not that cold??' Am I ...*gasp*... acclimating!? It helps that I bought a new, beautiful, maroon parka this winter. So fluffy and warm! Dressing in relation to the weather makes a huge difference. Huge.

What I love most about seasons is that as one season draws to a close, a new one is ushered in. As the winter cold or summer heat take their toll, the spring or autumn brings relief and transformation in due time. Often before I'm quite finished enjoying and admiring one (or maybe when the last has taken long enough), the next season is ready to go with new sights and smells for me to admire and enjoy.

For all the positive things about my homeland, Texas isn't really renowned for its seasonal variety, so, as I mentioned, summer has been my favorite season my whole life. Now that I live in a place with seasons, though, the other three are catching up.

All this has me thinking.

A lot.

Lately I have been considering the value of different seasons of life, in all their variety, which directly correlates with my new appreciation for calendar seasons. 

Seasons of plenty, seasons of boredom. Seasons of singleness. Seasons of adventure followed by seasons of frustration. Seasons of planting, seasons of harvest. Seasons of Sabbath rest. Seasons that are much more hectic than I think I can handle. Life's constantly changing, naturally, and though seasons may change, God never does.

I've definitely been through a tough growing season lately... maybe even several growing seasons back-to-back. It's not necessarily easy, but it sure is delightful to recognize! Growing pains aren't usually fun, you understand. The end result (or work in progress) is worth it.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different..." - C.S. Lewis 

To be continued...

Because I'm a princess and I got a new camera.

About two months ago, I got a new camera. It's a Nikon Coolpix L810. It's so pretty! It's red and fancy and ... I don't really know much about cameras, but it takes quality photos! My friend Marli is a photographer, so she agreed to give me a lesson with my new camera. We set out to find a fun place to take photos and experiment with all the settings. She'd been wanting to go see the Gochangeup Fortress, so off we went to Gochang for a day trip. I had been once before, in the spring when the azaleas were blooming, and I loved it. We were hoping that this time we'd see the autumn leaves in all their glory, but we were about a week too early for Gochang's fall color. Even with its plain late summer greenery, it is beautiful. It's seriously one of my favorite places in Korea. I just think it's breathtaking. 

We were there for a mid-week holiday, but we saw a big to-do going on in the area outside the fortress. It turned out that we were there the day before the Gochang Moyang Fortress Festival, which includes the Dapseong Nori walk around the fortress! DANG IT! I want to go to that festival and do that walk! I suppose I'll just have to go back next fall and see the fall leaves and walk around the fortress with a stone on my head. That's a must on my Korea Bucket List. (Legend has it that the walk is supposed to heal your legs and prevent diseases and give you long life, but I really just think it would be all kinds of fun to walk around the fortress wall with all the pretty Korean ladies in Hanbok!)

It was so beautiful watching the sun sink through the bamboo forest, milling around at dusk, finishing our walk around the wall as the night surrounded us. We had a picnic outside the fortress afterwards and people-watched. It was simply lovely! We had a lot of fun. I'm glad I have friends who appreciate singing loudly in public places. We might have been belting out Disney songs on the back wall... and by "we"... I mean...  

I tell you what. Princesses belong in cool places like fortresses. 

I finally got the photos on my laptop (since the SD card reader on my laptop broke), so without further ado, here's the result of my first photography lesson! 

I think this one looks like a monster with his mouth open.
RARRR! I WILL EAT YOU! 

If you're in Korea and you're are thinking of taking a trip to Jeolla province, make sure you stop in Gochang for a few hours! It's definitely worth a side trip (or two!) and it's a great place to practice with all the settings on your camera ;)

Hiking with Jesus

I love autumn. I love going hiking. I especially love hiking in the early morning. I am not a huge fan of the freezing temps that we had this week before sunrise, but it's only gonna get worse now that it's nearly winter, so I guess I shouldn't complain yet. 

This autumn has been my favorite season in Korea so far. The weather has been PERFECT, but the autumn foliage has rocked my socks off. I don't remember last fall being this stunningly gorgeous, but then again I lived in a bigger city that doesn't make nature a huge priority (not to mention I worked a lot more hours last year, so I didn't get out in nature as often). Jeonju does a fantastic job of landscaping along the streets, so in the spring there were cherry blossoms and azaleas errrrrywhere, and now that fall has come and almost gone, the multi-colored leaves have been too! Even if you don't get off the asphalt path that often, you can't miss the seasonal foliage. I have taken SO many pictures of fall leaves with my new fancy camera, but unfortunately my computer has stopped reading SD cards, so I can't upload them anywhere yet. Grr. Soon. Maybe. I hope. The leaves have mostly fallen around town, leaving everything a plain November brown, but up in the mountains, the leaves are still blossoming (if you'll let me borrow the term). Beauuuuuutiful. Ah. So pretty. Baie mooi. 

Anyway, I don't have to teach on Thursday mornings so it's a perfect day to go hiking. It's not as busy as Saturdays and I like that. I waited until the sun was up a little to hit the trail (cause it was too COLD), but even still I caught some beautiful sunrise through the clouds. The LEAVES, y'all! Texas doesn't have color like this!! Heck, we don't have much of this "fall" stuff at all. We go from "late summer" to "early winter-ish" too quickly. You might see one or two pretty red trees in the fall, but nothing like this. My Canadian friends mocked my admiration of the leaves changing, cause apparently this ain't nothing compared to their typical autumn color. I can't even wrap my mind around that! 

SEE? No filter. No editing. Just seasons. SEASONS. It's so neat! 

Now that's more like what Texas looks like in the fall. Dead.

A lot of times when I go hiking by myself, I listen to different podcasts. This week I was streaming a sermon from The Village Church in Dallas, TX. They're finishing up a series on Recovering Redemption. It's flat-out awesome. Matt Chandler is a seriously gifted preacher. That man can hits with the truth and doesn't have an ounce of pretension or arrogance behind it. I can't recommend it enough! They've got an app for their sermons, so search for The Village Church in your app store, or you can just check the podcasts on itunes. After my hike, I went back to August in this sermon series to start at the beginning, cause the talk I listened to on the mountain was just. so. good. Almost makes me want to move to Dallas instead of Austin if and when I ever move back to Texas (my love). 

So basically I went hiking with Jesus. If you've never done that, if you've never carved out time in your schedule to go off in nature and ponder the glory of the Lord while surrounded by the glory of his creation, get on it. It's so awesome. 

Relevant side note: 

I don't know about you all, but October was kind of a difficult month. It wasn't smooth sailing. I wasn't my usual chipper, bubbly self for most of the month. I got slammed with a weird  bout of homesickness out of left field! I've lived overseas for nearly 2 years, so I kinda figured I'd gotten the hang of missing people. Like it's a back-burner thing. I'm always aware that I miss people, but I am not constantly thinking about it most of the time these days. AND THEN October. It wasn't as sharp as it was the first time I experienced homesickness & culture shock early in 2012, but the fact that it came out of nowhere made it pretty intense. Bam. It was strong, y'all. I love my family. Being away from them is super hard some days. So, yeah, October was kinda rough. 

And then there I was on a beautiful Thursday in November, beautiful new November, on top of a freaking mountain in South Korea, surrounded by the most beautiful leaves, pondering truth from God on high. Truth like... 

Don't despise difficult days. Your loving Heavenly Father is tugging on the roots of sin. God uproots sin at the plant, he doesn't just get rid of the fruit of sin. A root is killed by exposure- God himself is gardening in the depths of your heart. It's because He loves you! Drag those roots into the sunlight. 

Reroot in God. Let him use you, submit to what God wants to do in your life. The old has passed away, the new creation has come. You're a new creation, it's not just modified behavior. 

2 Corinthians 4:16 reminds us that our inner self is being renewed DAY BY DAY. It is not something that's accomplished 'once and for all.' It's not a silver bullet. It's a habitual change of ethics. Day. by. day. 

I don't know about you, but I need, desperately need, reminders like that. To God be the glory, great things he has done! 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ... For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. 

Ephesians 2: 4-5, 8-10

...

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18