Discipline: a 2015 recap (aka January's almost over and I haven't collected any *Year End/New Year* thoughts AT ALL)

2015 was hard. Can I get an amen?

It started with a mission trip to Nepal and a new job, and ended with an unusual trip home, hanging out with my dad in the hospital for a week. 

It included a lot of highlights, especially a summer trip around the world (gahhhh I still need to post about that), but behind the highlights were a lot of frustrations, most of which aren't meant to be shared. 

I wouldn't trade it, even if I'm really really really glad to have 2015 behind me. 

Every year I choose a theme to pray into or focus on.
2013 was Obey.
2014 was Set-Apart.
2015 was Discipline.

I know right?

Last year on New Year's Day, I posted that I had chosen a theme for my year and I said something like "if God is willing to teach me, I want to hear Him!"

What a naive thing to say.

Every time it got hard and I wanted to hurl something against the wall, I came back to that. I chose this. I decided this. I asked God for a word and when I heard "Discipline," I accepted it joyfully.

"Yay! What a challenge! This might be hard, but it'll be soooo worth it!"
Ugh. It's easy to think those things from the safety of January 1. Now we're in the middle of January 2016, and I've had a chance to reflect on how I grew because of the challenges and frustration that happened as I stumbled my way through my Year Of Discipline.

And I guess it was worth it. (I mean, I know it was worth it.)

But, oh.
Oh man.

Several times during the year, I remembered that chipper little imp who beamed at the thought of a long, hard year. Oh yes, I remembered her optimistic "think how much closer I'll be to God at the end of a year learning about Discipline!" I remembered her idealistic whims and pleaded with God to make next year easier. Can 2016 be the Year Of Puppies?

And, honest to goodness, it was a great year. The hard is what made it great. My head knows that, because that's what wisdom says, but my flesh is still all like ughhhh that sucked. On this side of it, in the arms of beautiful beautiful January 2016, I can say that gladly! 2015 had so much greatness, so much richness, so many obvious blessings. I almost let the blessings get buried by the struggles, but I want to remember that I love my job as a librarian. I love living in Seoul. I love my adventures! And dangit, I can even say I love the struggles. That annoying Pollyanna outlook just won't let go of me. I'm an idealistic optimist til the day I die.

The lessons learned this year are hard to explain mostly because they are below the surface. They're foundational, root, building block lessons. It's harder to fix a foundation with a house sitting on it, and landscaping all around, you know? Foundational lessons are often the hardest to learn.

Discipline is a foundational thing.

So, real talk. I am bold and talkative, and I’ve never been afraid to speak in front of people. Because I was willing to serve, I have been trusted with leadership in every church I’ve been a part of. In recent years, I didn’t realize that my confidence in leadership had begun to take me in a direction I don’t want to go... I was in danger of becoming arrogant with my faith, with my leadership skills, especially because I thought my opinion was better than anyone else’s in leadership around me... if only because my opinion was the loudest.

God started to open my eyes to the danger of overconfidence (read: PRIDE). There have been times when I’ve disagreed with a leader about this or that, and I would occasionally let them know that they were wrong and they should probably do it my way instead. The first time I was called out on that, I was shocked. Someone I esteemed pulled me aside and gently told me how disrespectful it was. I thought I was just being strong, refusing to be pushed around. I didn't see that I came across as stubborn and combative. In hindsight, I can see a number of times where I refused to submit to authority and thus disrespected the structure that I'd agreed to.

I started to ask God to teach me how to be a respectful follower. (danger! danger!) I'd never prayed something like that, but it became important to me. God is faithful. I didn't know what I was about to get.

This went deeper than just being a follower, truthfully. I want to be a better friend, co-worker, roommate, daughter, human being. The lessons that God threw at me this year went deep into every relationship I have. Thank you, dearly, to the people who faced all this with me. Thank you especially to the ones I fought with, or fought against. You might not have known it but you were being used by God to teach me priceless things. Thank you for being the iron to sharpen iron.

A while back, I went through membership and leadership training at my church in Seoul.Some of the key training, for me, was about healthy submission to godly authority. God has been radically changing my paradigm. In the past, the word “submission” made me recoil. Over time, God has been teaching me about the value of submission. It has stopped being a bad word. It's still hard. I have moments of rebellion (lots of them). That's part of why last year was so foundationally hard. I'm trying to figure out the line between independence and submission, between strength and rebellion, between being exuberant and being a bulldozer.

I don't want to be an uncooperative, obstinate mule.

You know something funny?

ALL DAY LONG I expect my students to follow directions because I am their teacher, because I care about them, because I have their best interest at heart and I know more about what's going on in the whole classroom than any one of them individually might realize. It bugs me SO MUCH when the little ones refuse to follow directions. Their tiny, stubborn voices pepper me with "why?" "why?" "why, teacher?"

Substitute "leader" for "teacher" and "me" for "students" and BY GUM! I'VE DISCOVERED MY PROBLEM.

My mom taught me to obey her instructions first because she was the parent and I was the child. I expect my students to obey my instructions because I am the teacher and they are the student. SO...

When my boss or church leaders ask me to do something, why do I constantly ask why? Can I just take my own advice and trust that they are my authority and they know a lot about the whole situation and probably have a good reason to ask me to do something (or not do something) and I can trust them? I trust God, don't I? Doesn't that mean I can trust the leaders He has set?

Over a long season, I came realize just how much I didn't like to submit to authority and, more importantly, why. For years, I feared submission because I feared the abuse of authority. Knowing that godly leadership is safe because leaders are accountable to God, based on Hebrews 13:17, brought me to a new level of understanding. Layer upon layer of distrust and fear are being peeled off and it's so FREEING.

[Big Specification Here: I am not encouraging myself or anyone to trust all leaders everywhere, blindly. Don't be blind. If your leader is asking you to do something immoral or illegal or just dumb, I think there is room to respectfully ask for clarifications,etc., and, of course, don't do the immoral or illegal thing. I think the reason many of us fear authority is because it's been abused so often. That hurts. It's real. It takes time to heal those scars. 
The leadership structure I'm talking about is a godly, Biblical structure that has proved to be trustworthy. I'm also talking about leaders at work, where my pigheadedness has gotten me into some conflict with bosses over the years. I've made mistakes and learned a lot. I'm certain that I'm a better employee because of 2015. This is big for me!]

I want to have a heart for submission because I trust God.

I think that's what this year is about. And that's why this year has been so hard. My "token sin" is pride. Willful pride. Obstinate, combative, stubborn, inflexible, headstrong, bullheaded pride. The voice that said that my opinion was better than anyone else’s around me... if only because my opinion was the loudest.

It takes discipline to re-learn what I now want to know, which is to say, submission.

It takes discipline to re-learn how to submit.

And it might have sucked, but I needed 2015 to begin the process of re-learning what I should know, cause I've had yeeeears of practice not submitting. There is a lot of stuff built on a broken foundation.

(When I say I need to re-learn submission, I'm not just thinking about submitting to bosses or leaders,  but to friends and parents and roommates and even people who push me on the subway ... based on Ephesians 5 ... because submission is a form of kindness, and love, when you think deeply about it.)

Last year I wrote... 

Who am I? What is this?? I'm willingly seeking discipline, knowing full well that discipline is rarely easy. I'm inviting all sorts of challenges with this word. And yet, at this point I know without a shadow of a doubt that discipline is worth it. I'm a little nervous, yes, but I also eagerly anticipate some huge, valuable lessons at the end of it all. Proverbs 3:11-12 confirms what we all know: good fathers discipline because of love. I'm asking my Father for discipline, confident that whatever He does will be good, pure, righteous, and that I'll be a better daughter because of it.

"My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in."

Proverbs 3:11-12

If I want God to use me for greatness, for His purposes, for His glory, I need to be ready for that. I need refining, I need challenges, I need iron sharpening iron, I need discipline (all wrapped in love) to accomplish great things. I am a set-apart, obedient daughter of the King. Royal daughters are leaders. Princesses must act with decorum. Princesses must have self-discipline. 

But seriously, God, I'm praying that 2016 is less of a struggle. 2015 was hard. Lots of waiting. Lots of pruning. Lots of refining. I want the harvest. 

But thank you for your Discipline. 

This Year, Next Year.

Happy New Year!! 2015 is here!!! This morning, I woke up to a beautiful bright blue sky, the late morning sunshine streaming through my window. Perfect. Welcome, New Year, you're gonna be powerful!

Lately I've come up to the New Year with a different kind of eagerness than I grew up with. Maybe it's another product of living overseas, but December 31 stopped being just a night to stay up late and watch fireworks. Maybe it's that I am getting older and wanted to reflect more? In either case, starting in 2013, I began to intentionally choose a word to create a theme over my year. As God brings me to new levels of intimacy with Him, I want to respond! If God is willing to teach me, I want to hear Him! Choosing a personal theme to focus on over the course of the year has helped. In 2013, I resolved to be a more obedient daughter of the King, so every time I heard or read the word "obey," my attention peaked. Ok, God, I'm listening, what would you have me learn here? I got some great lessons and my faith matured quite a bit as I sought after honest obedience.

This past year, 2014, my word was "set-apart." Last January, I asked myself what it meant to be set apart by Christ, in Christ, for the glory of God? What does that look like in practice? This year has brought so much breakthrough! I've learned about vulnerability, submission, identity, letting go of fear, friendship, the Holy Spirit, authority, community, patience, dreams, being time-oriented, and on and on. It was a powerful year! If you've been tracking with me here, you've heard some of what's been going on.

In the spirit of reflection, I've been spending a lot of time this week reading old journals and old blog posts. This is why I love the written word. Emotions come and go, especially when you are ADHD and change your mind more often than your clothes. Having a written record of what I was thinking, praying, dreaming about makes it easy for me to see how far I've come! I will be building on these lessons for yeeeeaaaaars. 2014 started with a fight and the fierce determination to be spiritually steadfast. Through the hard stuff, there was so much fruit. So much favor. I wouldn't trade a single struggle or embarrassing moment. The Zara who is on this side of 2014 is much stronger than the Zara who set out a year ago. I LOVE THAT about life. Every year I can hardly recognize myself, but I know I'm the same. Thank you, Father.

With my theme word in mind, each time I read about how God set Israel apart to be His people, I circled the words. He called them out, for a purpose, to be a powerful testimony of His power and grace. Even in Israel's repeated disobedience, the way he set them apart is a witness to His undeserved mercy! So for me, what does that mean? As a Christian, I am a daughter of the King! Everyone knows that princesses are set apart from the people. They're special. Reserved for greatness. I have been set apart my whole life, and I don't understand why, but I receive every bit of the grace that comes with it! I have a pretty boring testimony. By God's grace, I never walked away from church. I never backslid hard into drugs or promiscuity. I can't take much credit for my boring testimony. It wasn't necessarily that I didn't want to engage in really exciting sin... I mean, I wouldn't have gone out and been like yeah! let's go out and disobey God! this is gonna be super fun, but (real talk) people wouldn't sin if it wasn't fun... I was rarely tempted into the "really exciting sin" stuff because most of the time I just wasn't invited. It's lonely to be left out by people, especially your friends, even when they are off making poor decisions.

And yet! As I took the time this year to reflect on what it means to be set apart, I rejoice all the more that I have been called and chosen by the Most High God to serve Him. My testimony isn't flashy, but it's the story of one set apart. There's a better way to do life than to engage in really exciting sin. Over the years it might have been hard, but somehow, underneath it all, I have known that it's worth it. I'm glad now that I was left out so often. Sin leads to death. Because I was left out of a lot of opportunities to be tempted, I have suffered from less wreckage that comes with sin. Choices have consequences. I pray the same life of grace over my nieces and nephews, cousins, youth, and students, that they would each be set apart and suffer the least possible amount of wreckage from sin. I took it to heart when we received the benediction in my church every Sunday growing up, "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you..." The Lord God is able to keep you from sin. Open up your heart to that grace. Receive Him. You've been set apart.

2013. Obey. 
2014. Set-apart. 
2015... The word I've chosen for 2015 is "discipline."

I'll let that sink in. Who am I? What is this?? I'm willingly seeking discipline, knowing full well that discipline is rarely easy. I'm inviting all sorts of challenges with this word. And yet, at this point I know without a shadow of a doubt that discipline is worth it. I'm a little nervous, yes, but I also eagerly anticipate some huge, valuable lessons at the end of it all. Proverbs 3:11-12 confirms what we all know: good fathers discipline because of love. I'm asking my Father for discipline, confident that whatever He does will be good, pure, righteous, and that I'll be a better daughter because of it.

"My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in."

Proverbs 3:11-12

If I want God to use me for greatness, for His purposes, for His glory, I need to be ready for that. I need refining, I need challenges, I need iron sharpening iron, I need discipline (all wrapped in love) to accomplish great things. I am a set-apart, obedient daughter of the King. Royal daughters are leaders. Princesses must act with decorum. Princesses must have self-discipline. 

Practically speaking, I'm starting this year off with a book on spiritual disciplines. I've started reading Intimate Faith: A Woman's Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines by Jan Winebrenner.  It's already been rocking my world from the first few pages. From the Publishers Weekly review: "To the frequently taught disciplines of study, prayer, worship, fellowship and service, she adds a dozen others, including humility, chastity, secrecy, silence and celebration. All disciplines, she repeatedly emphasizes, have one goal: a passionate romance with God." I MEAN, RIGHT???? The book teaches about 17 different spiritual disciplines. I'M SO EXCITED!!! 

I also know that I must (must) practice discipline in my finances. It is getting ridiculous. I am 28 years old and I haven't saved anything long-term because I haven't paid off my masters (and a bit of credit card debt) because I am more excited about traveling around this great wide world than I am about paying off debt. Up to now, if you'd asked me if I've been saving lately, I could only say "Yeah! I saved $20 bucks on this sweater at H&M! It was such a good deal that I bought 5." ...true story...and that's not responsible. Responsibility is important. Ugh. God's been using many different means to speak into this in the past month, and I finally admitted that ok, God, I hear you, fine! Also, and this might be trivial to you but it's not to me, if I want to get married someday (please Lord), it is not fair to let a man save up enough money to woo my heart only to saddle him with all my debt. That's not nice. That's not fair. I refuse to do that. 

So with all that, I resolved to be responsible, start attacking my debt with all the feisty-ness that I can muster. I have even taken it to the extreme that I am cancelling all my plans for international vacations (not including missions) until I get it all paid. No holiday in South Africa. No backpacking Europe. No vacation on a beach in the Philippines. Sigh. But it's like Dave Ramsey says, sometimes you have to tell yourself no now so that later you can tell yourself yes. It is time to learn that ancient and powerful word: no. I started practicing this week. I went to UniQlo (do we have those in the States yet? It's a popular clothing chain in Korea) to find a pair of burgundy jeggings (because I wear my black ones every day THEY'RE SO COMFORTABLE), but they didn't have my size... I thought about getting them in grey, and then I found a pair of dark blue plaid trousers that were super cute and classy... and then I thought about my debt. I said to myself, "self, do you want to spend this money on pants that you want but don't need? Or do you want to be that much closer to paying off debt?" And then I put the pants down and walked out of the store. IT WAS SO HARD. It was good though. Responsibility is important. This discipline thing. Spiritually, financially, and however else God decides to teach me. I'm ready. 

I'm interested to hear from all of y'all who track along with me! What words have you focused on lately? What challenges are you accepting for 2015? Let me know! Whatever they are, I hope you have a blessed year, that God speaks to you and through you to make His name great. Happy New Year!! 

Singing the homesick blues: August sucked.

I don't know what it is about August, but each and every August since I moved over here has sucked.

Oh wait. 

I know exactly what it is. I get a blip of awesome summer family time, and then I return to my "new normal" (as I like to call it) during a muggy, hot, rainy month and everything starts to grate on my nerves. The staring. The spitting. The being-an-outsider-in-a-mostly-homogeneous-country. Homesickness comes and goes. Such is expat life. Such is adult life, right?

It takes me a while to adjust when I go back to Texas for a visit, then it takes me a while to adjust again when I return to Korea. Change is hard and adjustments are awkward.

I rarely blog/post/tweet about the not-so-positive side of this life, mostly because I'm an optimist, plus I don't want to be a whiner, not to mention I listened to Thumper's father: "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothin at all." Sometimes people see facebook/blog/instagram posts full of adventure and goodness and make comments to me as if this life is ALWAYS AWESOME 100% OF THE TIME. It is not. That's just the highlight reel part of my life that I want to look back on and remember with fondness. But, in the name of honesty or transparency or whatever, expat life is not always glamorous.

There are plenty of things that aren't fun, here and there, we just don't instagram them. Usually. I've written before about playing the comparison game and the funk I was in last fall when I wrote about seasons. Everything is a trade-off. When I'm here, I'm not there. That sounds like a 'duh' comment, but I think it's worth remembering. When I'm posting pictures of a beauuuutiful ecological garden, I'm missing the Texas sky. When I'm sharing a bingsu (Korean ice flake and ice cream dessert) with a friend from South Africa, I'm not eating a steaming platter of fajitas diablos with my family. I'm not complaining; life is all about trade-offs.

...

My good friend Calli just had a baby and has been extremely honest with everyone about the struggles of having a newborn, even though the struggle is absolutely worth it. She told me "My life is not a pinterest board, and if I can share my insight with friends who may one day be where I am, then why not [be honest]? We live in a world of staged perfection and unrealisitic expectations of ourselves and others. New moms need to hear that they're not the first to struggle." 

Is she full of wisdom OR WHAT???

I feel like that's a good reminder for me over here, not as a new mom, but as someone who has taken on a different big challenge. Sometimes it is a struggle. It is still worth it. Maybe a new expat, or someone who wants to become an expat, needs to hear that it's ok to be homesick. It doesn't mean you're a failure at living outside your culture.

Another friend recently moved to Uganda (check out what MJ's doing here) and is having those familiar new-expat-what-am-I-doing-here feelings. She told me that my move and this blog helped motivate her to get up and go. WHAT. What. an. honor! We talked about the adjustment, cultural frustrations, how different our countries are but how being a foreigner is the same...ish. We talked about homesickness and the dichotomy of wanting solitude to recharge, but the loneliness that sets in when you have too much alone time (it's a fine line between the two!). We talked about missing friends and how hard it is to connect to friends at home once the novelty of having a friend overseas wears off. We talked about how valuable it is to have friends with whom you can be SUPER HONEST about the struggles, sharing more than the happy sound bite of "everything is an adventure, it's such an experience!" Not everyone wants the honest truth, but some people reach out anyway.

This all motivates me to more open honesty. So...

...

I got back to Korea in mid-August and I sat in my apartment watching the rain fall through my window, over the cemetery across the street. It rained for two weeks. I read book after book, watched movies, but I missed the closeness of people with whom I could do nothing and just be, together. Does that make any sense? It was lonely. Most of my friends were still out of town/the country, several had moved away. I was busy on the weekends, going up to church, but I had a ton of alone time during the week with nowhere to go (ugh, rain, ruining all my hiking plans) and nothing to do. It was boooring. I tried to go to the beach but 1. surprise, it rained and 2. I caught a cold so, bummer.

Too much alone time drives me mad. This girl was made for community. I want roommates. Or at least a dog.

"Loneliness and solitude are two things not to get confused, cause I spend my solitude with you." 
Therapy ~ Relient K

I think I have had too much time off this year. Call me crazy, I know. I love having all the vacation time that comes with my job at the university, but it's... it's hard to explain, I guess.

It sounds like I'm majorly complaining along the lines of #FirstWorldProblems, ugh, y'all I have too much vacation, poor me, BUT I like my job. I love to be productive. Life in the fast lane! I needed routine, y'all. It is not good for man, or this girl, to be alone. Genesis 2:18, ja?

I'm never quite ready for summer to be over, but MAN ALIVE I was sure ready for September to begin!! I was ready to meet my students, get the semester in gear, prep for lessons, see all my co-workers, return to a busier schedule. I love me some structure. (And then, being me, I love to break the rules once I have the structure in place.)


And so. 

Korea has been lately reminding me of why I love it here. 

I've readjusted, friends have returned, the sun has come out. September has arrived. Another wave of homesickness has passed. God is good.

To be continued...

Bingsu and bubble tea with one of my faaaavorite South Africans

Suncheon Bay Ecological Park 

Enjoying the rain with my new friend Maria 

Organization tips for when you’re feeling busy & overwhelmed:

I don't know about y'all, but the past week has been CRAZY INSANE BUSY I'M GONNA DIE BUT PROBABLY NOT DIE BECAUSE I KINDA THRIVE ON CRAZY BUSY AND LOVE IT. 

But it's still been kinda overwhelming. So rather than hide from all the insane and pretend it will just go away (it won't), I make lists. It helps tremendously to be able to see what I need to accomplish, and it's satisfying to be able to cross stuff off a list and see a visual representation of my progress.

I want to share my list-making habit with all y'all. 

1.       Write everything down

a.       Even if your to-do list is 3 pages long, it is much less intimidating to see it all in one place. You can do this.

b.      Write down everything – big and small – that is rolling around in your scattered brain. Get it all out there, from “oh I need to grab that next time I go to the store” to “if I don’t finish this I’ll be fired”

2.       Categorize your list

a.       What tasks belong to which area of your life? Family stuff, full-time job, part-time job, church, social obligations, rest, hobbies, etc. *don’t forget to rest, or you will burn out and lose it.

3.       Prioritize your list

a.       What is the most important thing in each category? Circle or highlight it.

b.      Can you delete anything? Can you delegate anything? Then do it. Work smarter, not harder.

4.       Pick 5

a.       Every night, pick the 1 or 2 most important things from each category and put them on a new list for the next day

b.      This is your reasonable to-do list 

c.       Repeat this “Pick 5” step each day and see results. This is often called "chunking" and it makes your list manageable and increases your productivity.  

Don't forget to pray. And, if you need to, take a nap. 

It'll work out. 

(*hey look guys, I made a picture that you can pin on pinterest! I am pretty much obsessed with pinterest right now, not gonna lie. Also, creating pinnable image thingies is not my strength, but I think they're handy, so yay for Microsoft Paint. Kicking it old school.)

Year THREE!

Well here it is! Today is my 2 year anniversary in Korea, and with it begins year THREEEEEEEE~!

A year ago today, I was finishing up my year at Brighton Kindergarten, waiting to move to Jeonju. Wow. 

Two years ago today, I landed at Incheon and took my first bus to Gwangju. Bright-eyed and eager, I had no idea what to expect from Korea. That first afternoon, sitting on the floor in a dirty motel room, thinking "what have I done??" ...I absolutely didn't think I'd still be here on February 22, 2014! 

Praise the Good Lord, He has good plans and OH how things change! 

I cannot believe how fast the past two years have gone, how much I've experienced, grown, and on and on. It's a fun sensation! 

Photo cred: pinterest

Year 3 is already off to a great start, with some major changes. For starters, I have a new position as a part-time social studies teacher at an international school in Jeonju! In addition to my job as a full-time English instructor at Jeonju University, I am also teaching a section of World History at Global Prodigy Academy, or GPA. I'll be *much* busier this year than last, but honestly? I had a little too much free time last year. I get bored easily. I'm much happier and more productive in everything when I'm busy, so this is perfect for me! 

I really, really can't put into words how excited I am about this new element to my job! I have a degree in education with the certification (and desire) to teach social studies, but since I've been teaching English overseas pretty much since I got my degree, I haven't had much of a chance to use much of that side of my training! NOW I GET TO USE THE CERTIFICATION FOR WHICH I WORKED SO HARD! 

Classes started this past week. The school uses American curriculum to prepare the students for universities abroad, so I'm teaching World History in English to Korean students who are fluent in English and will eventually go to an English-speaking university. Coolest thing EVER. There are 3 social studies teachers at the school and I teach one of two World History classes, so I'm sharing curriculum with the teacher who has been teaching it for the past three semesters. It's great! He and I have very different teaching styles, so we can bounce ideas off one another and use what works best for each of us in our classrooms. Since I only teach one class a day at GPA, I don't have my own classroom, so I use the literature teacher's room while I'm teaching. 

I have 4 students in my class: one freshman, two juniors, and a senior (it's a pretty small school). They're doing well so far! They're engaged in the lessons and they speak up as I pepper them with questions. I'm remembering tools from my classroom management classes and all those fun projects I researched with Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. I've assigned them a "get to know you" Coat of Arms to to show me what's important to them and showcase their Visual-Spatial and Intrapersonal intelligence. Cute, right? 

"So you're saying food is more important than friends?"

We also made a classroom Code of Law together, foreshadowing the Rule of Law/Hammurabi's Code lesson next week. This way, they have ownership of their class rules as "law created for the people, by the people," mostly, though as the Ruling Monarch in the class, I handed down one or two. MAKING SOCIAL STUDIES CONNECTIONS TO REAL LIFE FOR THE WIN! 

IT. IS. SO. MUCH. FUN! 

I love teaching history, but this is only ONE of the new things that I'm sure is coming my way this year. I am in a new season. God is doing big things! I have no idea what's on the horizon and I don't need to know! Every time I make a plan, God does something more with it. Like this. So, here are my ideas, God, do with them what you will! 

Last year, 2013, my word was "obey." I took extra time to think about what it means to be an obedient daughter of the King, and I strove for uncompromising obedience to the will of God in my life. This year, 2014, my word is "set-apart." What does it mean to be set apart by Christ, in Christ, for the glory of God? What does that look like in practice? We'll see what I learn! I know it will be great. 

I will also make an extra effort to respect people's time, considering others' time as more important than mine (re: Phil 2:3), and be prompt. I have a nasty habit of mis-managing time and last year I learned a lot about how *disrespectful and selfish* that is. I joked that I would give up being late for Lent, but my friend Naomi took me at my meaning and called me out, making a point that it isn't just something to consider a sacrifice for 40 days. It should be something more meaningful! So, challenge accepted. Habits can (and will) be broken. I reluctantly invite all of y'all to hold me accountable... yikes! 

This year, I plan to travel more. It would be great to see at least 3 new countries, one way or another. I've made an action plan to pay off a lot of debt, even while traveling more. I'm also going to practice the art of gratitude, saying "thank you" and meaning it. I also want to stop saying "I know" all the time. It's arrogant, and arrogance is unbecoming. No one wants that. 

This is going to be a fantastic year. It's got new challenges, new jobs, new friends, and a whole lot of uncertainty (and with that, excitement!)! I am, without a doubt, eager and expectant for whatever it'll bring. 

Hello year 3, let's do this! 

Seasons may change but God never does: Part 2

 "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different..." - C.S. Lewis 


Seasons are designed to change, but God never does.

As I mentioned in the first post (and if you haven't read it, start here, it's short), I was in a tough growing season for a while. Sharp grow spurts aren't easy, nor are they always fun (though they can be!!), but the benefits far outweigh the pain. I have seen a lot of changes in my life in various areas. It's really neat to look back at the differences from even just a few months ago. God has been working on me, convicting me and challenging me a lot, especially about being satisfied with what I've been given rather than discouraged because of what I don't have.

I've spoken to a number of people who are going through different seasons in their lives about the tension in seasons, the waiting, the changes, the ups, the downs, etc. and I've learned quite a bit.

Personally, my most recent growth spurt started like this:

Living overseas can be lonely. Being single can be lonely. I miss my family, I miss my home country. I love this life, I really do or I wouldn't stay so many years! My expat community is fantastic, it's true. We have a lot of love for each other and form a psuedo-family by necessity. I'm not sure how long this overseas season of my life will last. For now, I don't see an end in sight. Being an expat is exciting, but it's a trade-off. When I'm here, I'm not there. That being said... I occasionally get caught in the comparison game, like many people do. Most of the time I know that's ridiculous. Harboring feelings of resentment just because someone else's life looks different from mine? That's jealousy, and it's dumb, cause helloooo my own life is pretty darn nifty as it is! Jesus is doing some great things here and WHY should I be unsatisfied? Comparison does no one a service. Why would I want to diminish the goodness of what God's doing in my life in this season because a different season (or the next great adventure) seems* full of so much new excitement and wonder?

*"seems" can be so deceiving. 

---

A while back, I was talking to a good friend who's in the "married & motherhood season of life" about this. She expressed surprise that I sometimes get discouraged or lonely, because "it seems like I have such an enviable life," because what she sees on facebook is all ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE! But then she came to the conclusion that it's not all that surprising after all. She mentioned that I'm "free and able to travel and experience new things," while she's the "wife/mom/church volunteer/part time worker bee/typical American MOM" and that we often get caught up in a grass is greener on the other side mentality. We're human. It's what we do.

Now, I've noticed a trend on the internet: we are all getting sick of the comparison game. We see each other's best moments highlighted on facebook, blogs, instagram, wherever, and we bemoan the fact that our lives don't look so perfect. I think I've read a dozen similar posts about this ridiculous comparison thing where we "should" ourselves into feeling bad (this one is by far my favorite)(this one's really really good too).

Along those lines, I took a break from facebook for a few weeks in November... facebook had become a negative thing in my life, colluding on feelings of loneliness and isolation. I was struggling with feeling satisfied with this season because I was coveting others' seasons. (Notice I said "feeling satisfied," rather than "being satisfied." Oh, all these feeeeeelings! Sometimes I am 100% sure that feelings are dumb. Feelings are such liars sometimes!)

In the fall, I found myself in a rut of bitterness, discontentment, and discouragement and I desperately needed something to change.

When my married-mom-worker-bee friend said that it seems like I have "such an enviable life," in a way she's right. I mean, there's a reason I moved overseas. The draw of the expat life: the unknown, the newness, the challenges, the adventure. As an expat, it's true that I have a chance to do crazy stuff that many people at home can't (or don't) do, BUT why must we compare? Not to mention, more of my time is spent doing non-expat-life things, anyway. Work, bills, groceries, coffee, friends, church. Normal, everyday tasks. I just happen to live overseas while I do them. (Not to mention, most people don't post pictures of doing laundry or (cough, *not*) cleaning their apartment. We'd much rather post pictures of the exciting things, which don't happen all the time. The little things that make up life here are much the same as little things that make up life at home. We only post the highlight reel.) 

My cousin and I also talked about it. She's working on her PhD in Psychology, so she knows her business. She mentioned that comparison is such a natural human tendency and it's much harder to internalize praise than it is to internalize negative criticism, "whether it comes from ourselves or others." I think that many of us internalize criticisms that are founded in comparison. We look at the lives around us, on facebook, wherever, and we scold ourselves for not being as _______ as that person over there.

--- 

Now. Why should I give my time and attention to feelings of inadequacy? I don't want anything to receive more time and attention than my relationship with God - not even good things and certainly not negative things. Isn't comparison just a way we indirectly complain about our circumstances? Ben Stuart (director of Breakaway Ministries) says it this way: complaining about circumstances dishonors God, just like complaining about food dishonors a cook. Why should I give my time and attention to comparison and bitterness?? Don't I trust God? Don't I believe that He has something better for me than that?

And with that, I took a 21 day facebook-hiatus [back in November] to break the habit, to break the idol.

It was awesome.

 

As the seasons shifted, autumn to winter, I asked myself some tough questions, then I took an account of all that God has done. That process helps me release bitterness and focus on joy. I think it's good to periodically evaluate the seasons you've been traveling through. Spiritual exercise takes discipline.

---

Going off the grid helped a lot, freeing up a lot of time to be productive in other areas, even though it freaked my family out that I was suddenly missing!! The morning after I disabled my account, I woke up to, like, 7 missed calls and texts wondering where I went. It's good to know you're missed! **BIG realization there about how TRUE this is.** While my family loves that fb is an easy way to keep up with my comings-and-goings, I don't always realize that they're paying attention. When you're fb stalked, you don't receive the benefits of two-way communication, the community. Facebook has a way of taking the exchange out of relationships, lending to consumerism instead of connections. A short hiatus reminded me, and them, how we have to be careful about facebook lurking. It reminded us how important it is to interact and let people know you're thinking of them. It's good to know you are loved!

Relevant says it this way: "In reality, community isn’t always supposed to be comfortable. Real community is messy. Real community is unedited. Real community involves taking time to actually be with people, even if that means finding time by making sacrifices. It means investing emotion into someone else’s life—even if you get nothing in return. It means getting hurt and getting involved. It means taking the filters off and embracing the parts of your friends’ lives that haven’t been cropped out of a picture or have gone unmentioned in a status update."

I had been feeling very lonely and isolated, which was weird cause my family, friends, etc, were actually paying a attention to me, loving on me from afar, I just didn't know it. Going off the grid helped shift the way we interact on social media, and I believe helped us reevaluate what is important. We've gotten much better at this!

---

Anyway.

While I was off the social media grid, God kept sending me reminders that he IS there, he HAS a plan, he KNOWS what he's doing, and he DOESN'T make mistakes.

And while the seasons outside my window changed, I contemplated the similarities to seasons of life. 

I spent much more of my time digging into the Bible. It was an incredibly fruitful transition!! Jesus keeps growing me and maturing me in ways that I wouldn't expect and I. LOVE. THAT. I love looking back at the Zara who was and realizing that I'm not really her now. It's especially fun as a blogger because I can re-read old blog posts and laugh at myself. I am still me, of course. I am still Zara. It's just... It's like a tree...

I'm like a tree. 

A tree is always a tree but it looks so different in every season! For example, take the cherry trees that grow along my street. In the spring, they're bare at first, but slowly they grow light pinkish-white blossoms that float down like floral snow as the weeks go by. As the blossoms fade, their fresh green leaves bud and fill the branches. Through the summer, they're bright and clean, green and shady. In the fall, the leaves catch fire and astonish me with their vivid oranges, reds, golds, and faded brown beauty. As the winter approaches, their leaves drift away down the street to be replaced by snow and icicles or simple bare branches. The next spring, the changes continue but the tree has grown an entire year. It's not the same tree that saw the last spring, yet it is still the very same tree.

I didn't take a picture in the spring last year, but here's the general idea that I'm going for: 

Same street. Same trees. Same hills. Same hospital building in the distance. Same sky.

All seasons are a trade-off. Some seasons look prettier than others. 

For each season, you gain something. For each season, you miss something.

In nature,
seasons of planting.
seasons of growth.
seasons of harvest.
seasons of plenty.  seasons of want.

In humanity,

seasons of boredom.

seasons of adventure followed by seasons of frustration. 

seasons of Sabbath rest. 

seasons that are much more hectic than I think I can handle. 

seasons of waiting. 
seasons of life overseas. 
seasons of study, 
of travel. 

seasons of bitterness.

seasons of security. 

seasons of this career. 

seasons of that career. 

seasons of the next thing to come.

Have you considered that God designed seasons? They were His idea. God approves of the tension they bring. It's all part of the plan. I think it's important to remember the reality of seasons: love them or hate them, they're going to change.

Seasons are designed to change, but God never does.

(take comfort in that.)

"For I am the LORD, I do not change," 

     Malachi 3:6a

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

James 1:16-17

"Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever." 

     Hebrews 13:8

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God." 

Psalm 90:1-2

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Sometimes I look at my life in wonder or confusion and I ask, "Jesus, what on earth are you doing?" Even so, I have faith that the God who loves me beyond reason has the best possible plan in store! Lord, where would I go but for you? I do trust you. You know what you're doing. I will continue resting in His providence, growing, looking different and yet the same from season to season, year to year. 

It was definitely a good season, even if it was a hard season, and now it's time for the next season. Through it all, God is so good. 

Seasons may change but God never does: Part 1

This year, more than any other, I've fallen in love with seasons. For all the positive things about my homeland, Texas isn't really renowned for its seasonal variety, so all this *seasons stuff* is very new to me.

Spring in South Korea is stunningly gorgeous. As April arrives, so do the cherry blossoms. Love them. It's like pink snow in the trees. After the cherry blossoms drift from the trees in cascades of floral delight, the azaleas bloom, lighting up the streets around Jeonju with bright pink and magenta joy. After the azaleas, the roses. THE ROSES. Gardens of them, just begging to be admired. I tell you, spring is lovely.

Summer has long been my favorite season, with its beach vacations and sweltering temps, trips to the river and never-ending sunshine (and freckles! and sunburns...). I'll take 100 degrees (~38*C) and be happy, so long as I can jump in the water. I love some summa-time.

Autumn stunned me this year, as I've mentioned. The trees turned to flame with color like I'd never experienced. I couldn't help myself; I smiled every time I turned the corner and found another view of gold and orange and red and brown.

And finally: Winter, here we are again, nearing its last days. Thanksgiving dawned bright and white with the first fresh blanket of snow. This past weekend in Seoul, it snowed quite a bit. Snow perfectly delights me, much to my surprise. When I moved to this country with it's famed "seasons," I didn't think I would like this last one at all. Snow won me over. And the cold? Well, I don't hate it as much as I used to. Back in December, I actually uttered the phrase "Nah, it's not that cold tonight. I'll walk home." -- Y'ALL. It was 48 degrees out. Am I still from Texas??? 'Not that cold??' Am I ...*gasp*... acclimating!? It helps that I bought a new, beautiful, maroon parka this winter. So fluffy and warm! Dressing in relation to the weather makes a huge difference. Huge.

What I love most about seasons is that as one season draws to a close, a new one is ushered in. As the winter cold or summer heat take their toll, the spring or autumn brings relief and transformation in due time. Often before I'm quite finished enjoying and admiring one (or maybe when the last has taken long enough), the next season is ready to go with new sights and smells for me to admire and enjoy.

For all the positive things about my homeland, Texas isn't really renowned for its seasonal variety, so, as I mentioned, summer has been my favorite season my whole life. Now that I live in a place with seasons, though, the other three are catching up.

All this has me thinking.

A lot.

Lately I have been considering the value of different seasons of life, in all their variety, which directly correlates with my new appreciation for calendar seasons. 

Seasons of plenty, seasons of boredom. Seasons of singleness. Seasons of adventure followed by seasons of frustration. Seasons of planting, seasons of harvest. Seasons of Sabbath rest. Seasons that are much more hectic than I think I can handle. Life's constantly changing, naturally, and though seasons may change, God never does.

I've definitely been through a tough growing season lately... maybe even several growing seasons back-to-back. It's not necessarily easy, but it sure is delightful to recognize! Growing pains aren't usually fun, you understand. The end result (or work in progress) is worth it.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different..." - C.S. Lewis 

To be continued...

Duck Dynasty: I don't stand with Phil but I don't hate him either.

If you aren’t American and/or friends with Americans all over the internet, you may not have heard that a reality TV star just got in trouble with his network for saying his opinion in an interview with a magazine. That star is Phil Robertson of the TV show Duck Dynasty on A&E. Different people have ALL DIFFERENT opinions on if he was right or wrong, if A&E was right or wrong for suspending him, with all possible combinations of angry and/or passionate reactions in between. Google it and find out maybe more than you care to read, but I decided to blog a bit about it so here you are.

Hello. I am a white, heterosexual girl from Texas (though I currently live in South Korea). I'm going to talk for a minute about "standing with Phil" ...or not.

I love Jesus. I'm from a hunting family. My family is reasonably obsessed with Duck Dynasty. I wanted to be a Duck Dynasty Man for Halloween but I don't have camo or a fake beard in Korea. Along the lines of #confessyourunpopularopinion, I don't actually love the show itself... I think it's way too staged and caricature-y, but I do love things about it, like it's a home-town-feel-good Christians-who-love-family-and-hunting kind of show. (The episode where the men took their prissy-city-girl wives hunting drove me CRAZY. It was clearly springtime, not huntin' season! And any good woman who lives in a huntin' family knows not to wear perfume in the deer stand! There's no way Missy would have missed that crucial lesson. It was all just a set up for an easy gag involving mud and a bit of “oh look at the princess who doesn’t know what to do in a deer stand, bless her heart.” Stereotypes: 1, Princesses: 0)

Many people who *love* the show have posted facebook post after twitter post about standing with Phil. Just search the hashtag #standwithphil and you'll see a billion outraged conservatives freaking out. Loudly.

Every time the internet explodes with a firestorm of CHRISTIANS-VS-THE REST OF YOU SINNERS, I feel super awkward. I don't want to hit people upside the head with my faith. I'd rather love people in community and tell them to read the Bible, then let the Word of God and the Holy Spirit do the convicting and changing (as it promises to do), rather than condemn and criticize people into change. I don't believe that's my place. I know there's a balance between "calling brothers out in love" and "sitting idly by" but I guess I haven't found it yet. I'm not a perfect Christian; I've still got (a lot of) growing to do. Praise the LORD that by His grace, growing will happen. (Also, that part about calling *brothers* out is about *people who are confessing believers in Jesus Christ as the only way to salvation* not about society at large. Feel free to disagree with me.)

Another #confessyourunpopularopinion moment = I don't stand with Phil.

Now, I don't think Phil is speaking from a place of hate, but I don't think his words were, um, tactful. I think he is a man who fears God; I also think what he said was ...not for pubic consumption. The exact words were more... hmm... well... honestly, they struck me as the type of thing someone would say after a few beers on a family holiday. I know Phil's not a drinking man, but his words are the kind of thing that makes me squirm.

"It seems like, to me, a vagina - as a man - would me more desirable than a man's anus." -Phil Robertson

Excuse me. If someone said those words in my presence, I would cringe. CRINGE. I'm a lady. You do not say words like "vagina" and "anus" around a lady. It's crass.

He also said:

“Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers – they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right” - Phil Robertson

Ok. I am pretty sure that’s all in line with the Bible. Yay, I think he’s mostly quoting scripture! And whether you agree with him or not, the list doesn't stop there. It’s only through Jesus that we’re saved. That’s what CS Lewis meant when he said, “That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither.” – it’s Jesus who transforms the self-righteous prig and the prostitute. Neither homosexuals nor heterosexuals (no anyone else with any other label) will inherit the kingdom of God without the blood of Jesus over their sins.

Phil also said some ignorant and offensive things about black people based on his personal experience (and perhaps limited view?):

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I'm with the blacks, because we're white trash. We're going across the field.... They're singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.” - Phil Robertson

I really disagree with those thoughts. They are incredibly historically inaccurate, but *they are his thoughts* and he is entitled to them. I am entitled to be appalled. You are entitled to feel however the heck you want. I’m much more dismayed about what he said about black people than what he said about homosexuality. It’s not ok.

The reality is, he's got a right to think or say whatever he wants. It's AMERICA. If you’re in America, you have a right to think or say whatever you want. We don’t have to agree. It’s beautiful. It’s ugly. It’s real.

He grew up in a very different world than I did. His paradigm has been shaped by entirely different experiences. Now, I don't think he represents all American Christians and I don't think A&E is wrong for suspending him. I don't think he's being persecuted, I think the company is covering their... business... in line with their company culture. It's all fine. It is what it is.

I would be LYING if I told you I never say things I regret. I hope the internet never explodes because of something I say the way it’s exploding on Phil and A&E right now. I know that Phil loves Jesus with all his heart. I know that he is my brother in Christ and one day we will both be standing before the throne of God, washed in his love and grace and mercy, made righteous by the blood of Jesus Christ, not by any good thing we have done, not tarnished anymore by the bad things we have done (or the stupid things we’ve said). [cue weepy tears because of the crazy love with which God loves us. ohhhh Jesus!]

***

I read a few AWESOME posts about The Duck Thing over the past few days. Here are a few of those posts with poignant excerpts:

From Jen Hatmaker - The Duck Thing: Is There Another Way?

I know. No one needs to spill any more ink over the Duck Dynasty Debacle. I’m barely online these days, and even I was saturated with the crazy. A quick scroll through Facebook revealed about an 85% DD preoccupation in my feed, whether it was for, against, or that uber cool other response: “I don’t even care.” (But I will go ahead and make that my status...sic.)

As many have mentioned, this is clearly not a First Amendment issue. Phil had every right to say whatever he wanted. He could take issue with any people group or demographic on earth, right into a microphone. This isn’t North Korea [shout out to my side of the world!] where the wrong public statement lands you in prison. Or dead. Freedom of speech means you are free to speak. The end.

It does not mean you are free from consequences. Isn’t this obvious?

...

We are not judges, because how could we possibly be?? How dare we? What right do we have to cut someone to the quick when we are nothing but sinners saved by grace? Sanctification is Jesus’ territory, and we can safely leave Him to it; He can handle the human heart. Our only sane offering to our fellow man is mercy.

...

For me, this is the most extreme obedience to “biblical truth” I can imagine. I think of my gay and black friends watching the outcry this week, and I can’t help but think the gospel yet again feels like a bludgeon to them, not a real balm, a real grace, a real sanctuary. And the tragedy is, Jesus is the most real source of mercy in the history of time, and He loves us all with a fierce, indescribable love, and none of us deserve it any less than anyone else, and THAT is the shocking headline we should be proclaiming.

...

I’m going to choose love.

From Kirstin Howerton - Duck Dynasty, first amendment rights, and Christian values

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Comparing black people to white trash is cringey, but suggesting that black people were happier during segregation? That because Phil never heard a black person publicly complain BACK IN THE ERA OF LYNCHING means that they must have been satisfied with the state of things? This is so racially tone-deaf that it reminds me of the time Paula Deen romanticized the slaves as being “like family”. Not to mention, the subtext of his remarks is that black people nowadays are entitled, unGodly, discontented welfare recipients. So when I see people as “standing with Phil” based on their Christian values, I really have to ask . . . how does an apologist for our country’s ugly Jim Crow legacy represent Christian values?

As a Christian, Phil’s views on gay people and on black people do not represent me, and I’m embarrassed by those who are holding him up as a martyr or an example. I get that Phil is dear to many . . . he’s a likable guy and a very public Christian. But that doesn’t excuse his ignorant remarks, nor does it mean that he gets a pass from accountability.

Regardless of where we fall in the “is homosexuality a sin” debate, as Christians, our greatest charge is to LOVE. I don’t feel that Phil’s remarks were loving to gay people or to black people. And I don’t believe the blind support he is getting from Christians is very loving, either.

And Kristin's follow up to her own post - A short history lesson of racism in Louisiana for those who may be confused 

Again, I don’t think it’s uncommon, nor do I think he intended to be racist. But as we grapple as a nation to move forward with racial reconciliation, we cannot continue to pretend that slavery or Jim Crow were not that big a deal because the mythical happy black person overcame by singing songs.  These were horrible times for black people, and to suggest otherwise is incredibly tone-deaf.

Now, I know that Phil is not a perfect person, and that his views and statements on race reflect what a whole lot of folks of his generation might say on the matter. But that doesn’t give him a pass. I’m not calling for a witch hunt, but I’m am suggesting that we stop defending people who defend racism, because it makes us complicit, too.

And the post that encouraged me to throw in my two cents, rather than sit by and let everyone duke it out on facebook:

From Osheta Moore - Oh Honey! Come Here, I Think Your Privilege Is Showing

Because I do get disappointed with white celebrities from the South.  Like I was with Paula Deen and now I am with Phil Robertson of the A&E reality show, “Duck Dynasty”.   Their ignorance is showing and I’m sad.  Once again, they’ve revealed that the racism of the South is still infecting good and Godly people.

Since I wrote last on racism, privilege, and diversity, I’ve had several white bloggers, most of them happen to live or come from the South say to me, “I really want to talk about this but I don’t think I have the right to, I mean…I’m white”.

To which I say, because you’re white, you need to talk about it.  Because you haven’t had to think about it, you need to think about it now.  Because you’re in your homogenous bubble, you need to hear my story as a black woman in America so you can share it with your white, and at times, clueless readers.

The truth is, your voice matters and it has power. As a white blogger in the South,  your acknowledgement of my experience brings a much-needed validation to the racism I dealt as a young, insecure black girl in a predominately white community. If I know you care enough to listen, then I know I can trust you and can hear the best of your words. Speak up and speak life! Your voice can reverberate across the wounded places of my heart and the echos of your acceptance has to power to heal deep, deep offenses!

...

If you ignore this, then I’m sorry….but Honey, I think your privilege is showing.

Even though you are white please, speak up!  Get on your blogs and tell us that comments like Phil Robertson’s is not ok. Don’t deflect by saying we should care about more important topics.  That invalidates the offense.  Please say to your African-American readers that you know and you understand their frustration.  Maybe you can’t relate and that’s ok…but for the love of God, please, start the conversation!

I need to see that.

...

Put the power of your privilege to work and speak up.  Don’t let the internet be void of your voice on this topic and don’t allow yourself to have distorted views of black people or racial reconciliation for fear of letting your ignorance show.

I can handle it. I’ve borne the humiliation of my letting my dark skin show for over thirty years, I think can bear yours for a bit.

Step out the echo chamber of your privilege and recognize that I am a human being just like you, a woman just like you, a mama who loves her babies something fierce and I weep at the beauty of our Jesus—just like you.  Recognizes these truths and start the conversation with me.

And if you'd like to go straight to the source of all the hoopla, I give you the GQinterview with Phil Robertson: What The Duck?

***

I'll tell you what I do agree with. After it all hit the fan, Phil Robertson said:

“I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

Phil Robertson is a brother in Christ. I don’t agree with many of my brothers and sisters in Christ, but, you must see, they are still my “family.” I don’t agree with things Joel Osteen says, but I still think he loves Jesus. I disagree with a lot of what Mark Driscoll says, but I still think he loves Jesus. Ours isn’t a one-size-fits-all faith.

At the end of the day, it’s about Jesus. Do you believe in one God, the trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of the Father who died on the cross as the atonement for our sin? Do you receive salvation by the blood of Christ? Do you believe in one ecumenical church?

We can disagree and still love each other.

The most profound truth that I come back to is something Jim Behling, my camp director at Deer Creek Camp, says over and over and over: “Follow no man further than he follows Christ.” If someone is a brother or sister in the Lord, then hang with them. If they start to go off-course from what God speaks to us in the Scriptures, then you follow GOD. God never disagrees with himself. He speaks through the Spirit and the Word, that is, the Bible. Wanna know how to live this Christian life? Get into the Bible, do what it says, and go love one another.

I don’t stand with Phil, but I don’t hate him. At the end of the day, I hope we all understand: we can disagree and still love each other.