Got a little story for ya, and #happyvalentinesday!

Two years ago to the day, I was packing in my room at my parents' house in Texas. I would leave for South Korea in 6 days, leaving for what I thought was a year abroad. Things sure do change, don't they? Anyway, I was going through an old box of jewelry, mostly costume stuff, mostly from my great grandma's house. I came across a small old ring with a green stone. It was nothing remarkable, but I recognized it as as a Claddagh ring, a traditional ring from Ireland. A Claddagh has two hands circling a crowned heart. The hands represent friendship, the heart represents love, the crown represents loyalty. It's beautiful. It's classic.

The ring that I found was horribly tarnished. Honestly, I thought it was a cheap prize that had been destroyed by age. The green stone was pretty enough, so I wondered... I got a cloth out and polished it up and what I thought was a worthless trinket turned out to be a silver and emerald Claddagh ring, a treasure!

Seeing as it was in a box of old things, I asked around to find out how such a beautiful piece ended up in my old jewelry box. I was only around 10 when my great grandmother passed away, so nothing of real value would have ended up in my room. No one could remember the ring even belonging to my great grandma, neither could anyone see why a nice ring would have ended up in my stuff at such a young age. It's a mystery!

Two years ago to the day was, of course, February 14, 2012. I found this ring on Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day.

Vulnerable moment: I've never had a valentine. Some years I'm fine with that, some years I'm less fine with it. 2012 was a mixed bag. I was about to leave the country, so I had no business dating anyone even if there had been someone in the picture, but I still struggled with pretty common feelings of inadequacy and loneliness and rejection. Satan likes to lie and tell us single people that we aren't good enough to have a relationship, and that we never will be. Sometimes we believe him. He's a liar, of course, the father of lies. We, as single people, also make an idol of relationships, as if a relationship with another human being will suddenly fix our problems or make us happy. This is ridiculous, yet we often believe ourselves. Eh. The reality is that only Jesus can fix you, plus if you're looking to anything else to make you happy, that's what we call an "idol" in the biz. [Side note: I went to an awesome single's conference last weekend in Seoul and that was the exact topic of one of the sessions. Such great reinforcement of truth! You can never hear the truth too many times.]

Back to Feb. 14, 2012, there I was, basking in my own pity party of singleness and moaning over the fact that I'd never had anyone but my mom give me a valentine's gift and then, out of the blue, I received this beautiful, mysterious gift.

According to the internets, a Claddagh ring has a different meaning depending on the way you wear it. On your right hand, the ring signifies friendship, more or less. On your left hand, the ring signifies engagement or marriage.

Wikihow describes the proper way to wear the ring as such: "When you wear a Claddagh on your left ring finger, it's a sign that you've found the one you'll be spending the rest of your life with."  My ring only fits my left ring finger. With every other ring I've had, if it fit one ring finger, it would also fit one or two others, but this one won't. It only fits my left hand ring finger. Quite fitting, no? (Bonus ring pun! Dad joke? Groan!) 

It being Valentine's Day and all, I got out my Valentine Claddagh this morning. I sure do love its significance. For a girl who had never received a valentine, I sure got a good one... for who holds my heart? The King of Glory. Years ago, I sang out "Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above!" and I meant. every. word.

"When you wear a Claddagh on your left ring finger, it's a sign that you've found the one you'll be spending the rest of your life with." 

Two years ago, Jesus sent me a valentine.

The hands represent friendship. 

The heart represents love. 

The crown represents loyalty. 

It's beautiful. It's classic. Thank you, Jesus.

"For the King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." 

Psalm 45:11

A Final Note:

One of the most practical ways I've learned to navigate the waters of epic Christian singleness (without bitterness) has been to see counsel from those who have been at this longer than I have and still have their eyes on Christ. Love and Respect (Now) is my faaaaaavorite relationship blog. I've learned a LOT from Joy in the year and a half I've been reading her site and watching her vlogs, especially the Respect State of the Union. Powerful stuff! She also participated in the Quarter Life Conference on Relationships last year, which (as the name suggests) is full of good info on biblical relationships. Also, a little humor never hurt anyone, so check out this post from Jon Acuff today. He made us single folks a lovely Valentine's card, isn't that sweet? 

In all seriousness, we all need to get ourselves into scripture and into community who loves the Lord. You can't do this alone, and as a believer, you shouldn't want to. Jesus and his people who love him are ready to love you too - look to Him! 

When you fall in love with Jesus, you run out of room to worry about falling in love (or not falling in love) with someone. Displacement is a neat thing. Jesus fills you up. Don't believe Satan-the-liar's lies. More things I was reminded of at the conference last week: You are whole in Jesus. You are not a half needing to be completed (cough cough Jerry Maguire). Also, God's objective isn't to bring you a spouse, it's to make you like Jesus. He *is* enough. Amen to that. 

And for real, now that I've started re-watching a little of the Respect State of the Union, I think EVERY GIRL EVER should watch it. It will POWERFULLY impact the way you treat men - all men - in your life. In a beauuuuutiful way. 

An actual final note, because I know what the word final means:

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Did you know that St. Valentine himself was a rebel? The emperor, Claudius, had banned marriage because married soldiers weren't as fearless as single soldiers (which is probably true, in an honorable way since married men have wives to think of, not just battle), but St. Valentine secretly married Christian couples anyway. The way I see it, he defied the emperor because of his love for God and respect for the sanctity of marriage. He got caught and imprisoned, then he tried to convert Claudius to the faith and was beheaded. Or at least that's how I understand the story. And then Hallmark decided chocolate and cards would be a good idea and, well... I prefer the dude who secretly married people and got beheaded (just like I prefer to talk about the real St. Nicholas who punched a heretic in the face and provided dowries for poor maidens, rather than Santa Claus. But that's another story). Maybe that's why I always watch Braveheart on Valentine's Day? It's an epic battle story with love intertwined all the way through. Preeeeeetty much the best Valentine's movie ever. 

I clearly don't know what final means:

I think these books should be required reading for people who want to think about maybe dating and/or getting married one day. You don't have to listen to me, cause clearly I'm not married so maybe I don't have the resume to recommend things, but I think these are awesome. 

The Five Love Languages

The Language of Love and Respect

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

FINALLY:

Here is a LOTR valentine from pinterest, from me to y'all. 

Rejection

So today I made all the boys in one of my conversation classes talk to all the girls in a role play conversation.

Talk to girls?

You would have thought I told them to eat live ants.

Of course, the conversation I had them practicing was, well, gonna leave them with bruised egos.  Bless their hearts.

Meet Anthony and Ana:

Poor Anthony.  He's trying so hard and Ana's just shutting him down.

(Of course I thought this was GREAT FUN to watch as the teacher -- schadenfreude and all that :):):))


I had a reason though, to let the boys get rejected 4 times in a row by the girls.

I explained to the boys, once they had finished the activity, that they had just had a great lesson.  In the role play, Girl SHUT HIM DOWN, but Boy was persistent.

It's not you, it's me...

Just like anything in life, practice makes you better.

Want your dream job? Interview for a bunch of jobs you don't love. You'll get a lot of experience talking to potential employers (and yes, getting rejected by them) and you won't be totally unprepared when you land an interview for a job you'd really really love to have.  Valuable practice.

Want to get over your fear of asking girls out? Practice asking girls out because your crazy English teacher told you to.*  You'll get practice hearing "no" and it won't hurt so much or be so hard to hear the next time.

Men, you will probably be rejected by women that you're interested in.  It happens.  Women feel rejected when men don't ask us out.  It happens.  Move on.

Rejection is part of growing. We're not always going to get what we want.

My 19-year-old boys got a lot of practice getting rejected by women today.  They (sorta) asked a girl out 4 times (in English, no less) and heard a lot of "no."  But you know what?  Maybe the 5th time they ask, they'll be asking someone they really would like to take to dinner, and maybe that girl will say yes.  And isn't that worth it?

Men, I want you to know that it's ok to hear "no." Just ask. Try.

Ladies, I want you to know that men are more sensitive than we give them credit for.  This year, I've been learning a lot about what it means to love brothers well.  We don't even notice some of the ways that we hurt them or shut them down.  I'm not saying you should go on a date with someone that you're not interested in, but be gentle.  Most of them have beautiful souls and good intentions.  And maybe we should practice encouraging those we are interested in.

I know rejection is scary. Fear of rejection can paralyze us. Don't let it. Women, respect the courage it takes for a man to ask you out. Men, be courageous. We want to see strong men out there. Fear of rejection might be hard to overcome, but isn't it worth it?


A side note to Anthony: Hon, it sounds like she's just not into you. Bless your heart. Maybe next time. (In the meantime, read Pride & Prejudice and take notes from Mr. Darcy.)


*Note: Practice asking girls out even if you don't have a crazy English teacher telling you what to do in class.  And know that when I say "practice asking girls out," please be intentional - don't you dare go breaking hearts for practice. DO NOT play with a girl's feelings. It's not nice. I will punch you. 

**Please don't take the wrong lesson away from this
Stalking is not ok. Don't be persistent in a creepy way. If you tried and tried again, back off for a while. Maybe try again in 6 months, not 6 days. I do know married couples who have a "he asked her out 100 times before she finally said yes" story, but those men were tactful in their approach. DON'T BE A CREEPER.