Random English Monday

As you know, Random English is an everyday part of life over here. Every time I skype with anyone while I'm drinking coffee, they ask about what's on this mug: 

This was a gift (hand-me-down) from my friend Katherine when she left. I LOVE IT. 

I usually read it out loud like this [punctuation added for effect] 

"Honeybee! I love you just the way you are. I just love sweet honey."

"Honeybee? I just love sweet honey." *shrugs shoulders*

"Buzz, and buzz, and buzz... and buzz." 

I just love sweet honey, you guys. 

---

I recently bought a new journal that makes me smile. Side note: I haven't had to buy a journal in over 2 years. When I moved over here, I received so many journals as going-away gifts! I was set. If you ever need gift ideas for me, a nice-sized journal with college ruled lines is a safe bet. I love writing, I'm constantly taking notes, yay for journals!

This one is simple and plain for the most part, with maybe 200 pages? It should last me a while. It comes from an animal series, with each journal a different pastel color. It came down to Duck vs. Camel, and camel won.

Camel: A single day is enough to make us a little larger. 

Better lay off the sweets, yo. 

Have a beauuuuuutiful, random week! 

If you're coming to Korea soon: Toilet edition #awkward #TMI

I have several people planning on visiting this spring and most of them have never been to Korea before, so they have been asking me all sorts of good questions about the basics of life over here. I figured it'd be a good idea to revisit my "If you're coming to Korea soon" series and add a few things for travelers and new expats alike!

First things first, you should know the basics of the bathrooms. I'm a girl, so I've only got ladies' room experience, but I'm pretty sure men's rooms have urinals that function like normal urinals all over the world. Proceed with the lesson.

This is a typical bathroom at the university where I work. Ta da!

1. Toilet Paper

Many many bathrooms in Korea don't have toilet paper in the stalls. You are expected to get an appropriate amount ready before you enter the stall. Sometimes that is... awkward... to say the least. I find that it's better to over-prepare, if you know what I mean, cause it's better to be safe than sorry! #realtalk #awkward #TMI?

Sometimes you forget to look, and you find yourself all situated in the stall, only to realize there is no TP in the stall and you should have paid attention before you entered, just in case. OH DEAR. Or maybe the communal TP dispenser was out of paper. You might get lucky and find the end of the last roll hiding somewhere in the stall, but probably not. In these cases, it's a really good idea to carry a packet of tissues or napkins! Most women carry handbags, so this is easy, but for men, I guess if you carry a satchel or backpack, throw in some tissue! YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.

2. Commodes and bidets 

Ok so now that you're in the stall and you have a nice handful of TP, let's look at the situation. Some commodes come with a bidet function. (FYI: when I say commode, I mean the porcelain thing you're actually sitting on.) I won't go into all the details of how to use a bidet, but basically it's a toilet accessory that will spray water on your nether-regions from a couple different directions and with different pressures. There are pictures to help you decide which button to push, if you are so brave. It took me several months to work up the courage to push a button but maybe you're braver than I am! They are pretty much fantastic. SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN! #awkward #TMIforsure 

As you can see from the next picture, not all commodes have the fancy bidet buttons. 

3. Throw your toilet paper in the bin (or not) 

All toilets in Korea will have a bin for your TP when you are finished. You are expected to use the bin instead of flushing your dirty paper. I'd say most foreigners ignore this cultural difference... I know I do. I think it's REALLY REALLY unsanitary and unnecessary, plus it makes all bathrooms in Korea smell nasty. NASTY. Ugh. 

Most large cities have good plumbing by now, so I refuse to throw anything in the bin because GROSS. Small towns and older buildings, unfortunately, do not always have great plumbing so you should probably throw your paper in the bin in those situations. Use discretion. A lot of stalls will post a sign asking that you don't flush *anything* not even toilet paper, but if you forget and do it anyway, don't panic. Life will go on, you just might clog a toilet along the way. 

Fun fact: some trash bins are so large that they block the stall door from opening all the way. Oh Korea. 

4. Wash your hands

Ok so by now you've finished your primary objective and you want to wash your hands. Some bathrooms will have liquid soap and paper towels - if you find these bathrooms ENJOY THEM! They're rare. A lot of bathrooms have this soap on a stick contraption, shown in the picture below. I know, right?? Picture using the soap and, go on, let your inner 12 year old boy giggle away. We've all been there. #awkward. Soap on a stick is mostly sanitary enough, though sometimes it looks germy and gross. Sometimes you'll just see a bar of soap sitting in slimy water... ew... so I usually carry around wet wipes (물티슈 or "mool tissue" in Korean) and/or hand sanitizer. 

You might not be able to reach the soap on a stick because someone's standing at the first sink doing their makeup or something, blocking it. You have some options here: you can either push them out of the way or stand awkwardly close until they get the idea that you need soap. This will also happen to you if you block the soap. Or... people just don't wash their hands. Yuck, how do people think this is a good idea? THE GERMS, people, the GERRRRRMS!

 

5. Dry your hands (or not) 

Oftentimes, there isn't a way to dry your hands, so prepare to shake them off and use your jeans to dry your hands. Sometimes there is a cloth towel hanging on a bar, but who knows the last time it was washed? Sometimes they look fine, but germs are invisible and evil, so I hesitate to use them. Sometimes, though, they even look dirty and then I just opt out of drying my hands. Drip dry, people. Drip dry.

6. Squatty potties

They probably deserve their own blog post sometime, but for now just know that they're out there and you might encounter them. They still exist all over Korea, even in modern buildings. Some people actually prefer them; I am not one of those.  Most (not all) places that have squatty potties will also have a western toilet or two, with a sign indicating which is which on the door, so just look before you go in.

And there you have it! A tour of a typical, nice bathroom in Korea. Be prepared for anything, you'll probably see it all. 

I didn't have eye surgery

Hey Korea.

What's that?

No I didn't have eye surgery.

Yes, I know I'm wearing sunglasses.

Yes, I know it's winter.

It's also sunny outside and I was squinting, so I put on my sunglasses... because it's sunny.

In Korea, it's uncommon to see people wearing sunglasses in the winter, even if it's a very bright day. Sunglasses are a seasonal accessory, apparently. If you're wearing sunglasses in the winter, you either had eye surgery or, well, you're probably a foreigner. Oh Korea! 

Etiquette Bells

See that thing on the wall? 

That is an etiquette bell. You find them in many public bathrooms all over Korea. If you press the button, it'll play a little music or white noise, like water rushing or static. It's quite polite!

Just another example of the delightful random things we have in Korea that we don't have back in the States.

[side note: see that gigantic bathroom trash bin? it's huge cause NO ONE THROWS TOILET PAPER IN THE COMMODE. Korea thinks it's supposed to go in the trash. Maybe there aren't as many stopped toilets up in this country, but FOR GOODNESS SAKES, that's unsanitary. end side note]

Students say...

Zara do you have a boyfriend? 
No. 
Why not?

Zara do you have a boyfriend?  
No. 
I'm sorry. 

(Aaaand my personal favorite)
Zara do you have a boyfriend?
No. 
How? You're pretty. 

If I had 100 won (roughly a dime) for every time I'm asked if I have a boyfriend, I'd have a lot of won. If I had another 100 for the shock or concern that follows my negative response, I'd be able to buy a lot more coffee.  I should start charging my students for asking.

Bless their couples-culturally-influenced hearts.

And you thought your job sucked

 ...these poor girls dance outside the Samsung store for their paycheck.  While we were stopped at a red light, we watched them dance for a while, then one of them started talking to people walking by with the sound system (and I snapped a pic or two), then they danced together again.  It's supposed to be advertising.  It just seems silly to me.  I know there are worse/sketchier places to "dance" for a living, but this would be pretty terrible.

Take a moment to thank God that this is not your job.  (Unless it is your job.  Then you should pray for your big break into musical theater or something.)

Awwwwkward.

  That is all.

Random English Monday

At a chicken restaurant in Hongdae, Seoul:  

"Women's Style HOTSUN Baked Chicken."  

Why is that women's style?  Doesn't everyone love chicken?  Is it cause it's baked and not fried?  And how un-P.C. is that?  Bah, Korea!  You crack me up.

Random English Monday

Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven. 

SO TRUE! 

And then there's more...

Black Arts.  

I'd guess that it's a juxtaposition on purpose, but I know better. 

Detroit Specials.  

Right.

Oh Korea, you make me smile :) 

It's not Christmastime

 

All 3 of these pics have been snapped wellllll past the acceptable 'I-left-my-Christmas-decorations-up-too-long' stage. 

In January?  Sure, ok coffee shop, I guess it's ok to still have the reindeer on the counter, I'll even forgive the Christmas-y seasonal menu items, cause I love me some peppermint mocha come winter time. 

But I didn't live here in January.  I moved in late February.  So all of these pictures are very anachronistic.  Christmas decorations in March?  Christmas coffee items in April?  May?  And Christmas trees lining the pedestrain walkways in JUNE???  

Come ON people!  If you leave them out all year, how will we know to get super excited and over-spend our budgets come Advent season?? 

Sheesh!

#iloveChristmas #hurryup #Jesusbirthday

Taxis

Driving, or, riding, rather, is a scarey thing in this country.  North Korea threatening to demolish Seoul to ashes?  Doesn't make anyone bat an eyelash.  Riding in a cab to go downtown?   AHHHH!!!!  HOLD ON FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

See, traffic rules in South Korea are "more what you call 'guidelines' than actual rules..."  (eh!? eh? anyone? anyone??  Pirates??  See this clip that I've conveniently linked here for the reference!)

Taxi drivers over here watch tv while they drive.  And talk on the phone.  And some even turn around try to engage their foreign passenger in limited conversation.  Which are all important when your goal is to safely get your cargo from Point A to Point B.

Right.  Or not. 

Keep you eyes on the road, no distractions, all those good things that we're taught in driver's ed... not important at all. 

But seriously... they watch tv while they drive. I even sneaked a picture. 

Combine that with a lack of regard for traffic rules and regulations and it makes a girl feel real safe.

Yeah.  Real safe.

Soju

Soju is a very, very popular alcohol here in South Korea.  It's a lot like vodka, but it's soooo much cheaper than any vodka I've ever seen before.  Alcohol is a major part of Korean culture.  Koreans work hard, but then they sure party hard later.  Also, bars here don't close at 2 am, so the drinking continues well into the morning hours.  It's not uncommon to see people doing the "soju shuffle" at 5 am, if you happen to wake up that early (or still be up that late).  It's sad, but when you think about the lack of alcohol regulations here, it's not that surprising, I guess.

Soju can be bought at every corner convenience store, like 7 Eleven.  That's something you'd never see in the States.  This stuff is around 20% alcohol, too!  Hard alcohol available with such easy access?  Teenagers would be going even more crazy in their parents' garages, or down by the river.  Just imagine if a 40-proof vodka were available on the shelf of a Shell station, right next to the Gatorade!  The outrage that would cause would be enormous!  Here, though, not a big deal.  Obviously.  A 12-oz. bottle of soju only costs 1,000 won, or about a dollar.  That means that for a dollar, you have enough alcohol for a whole night out, by my standards.  I like it, especially mixed with Sprite or juice.  It's got a really mild taste, so if you want to take shots, that's also an option.  Delish.

Here I've got a photo of soju at the local Lotte Mart.  On the same shelves as the 2-liter bottles of Sprite and Pepsi, you can find 2-liter bottles of soju.  I keep comparing it to vodka in my mind and inwardly laughing.  I mean, who would ever expect to see a big-ole, 2-liter, plastic bottle of Smirnoff at Kroger?   Hilarious! 

 

I've not only seen soju at convenience and grocery stores, but it's advertised at places like the movie theater!  You'd never see a vodka ad at the regular local movie theater (not counting brew houses or dinner/drinks/movie houses), what with impressionable teens running around.  We wouldn't want them getting the idea that alcohol was cool or fun, not until they're older ;)  Sarcasm aside, the ad cracked me up, cause it was such great propaganda.  Oh, are you having a boring night at home with the honey?  Take some shots of this brand of soju and your night will pick right up!  You'll be dancing all over the place!  (Too bad you might not remember tomorrow!)

It's really interesting how cultures differ when it comes to alcohol.  Who's to say who is right or wrong about the different levels of regulation?  I mean, alcoholics abound here, but the certainly do at home too.  Teens may have easy access to soju here, but I've also seen that teens that are determined to drink find a way to get their hands on alcohol at home, despite the regulations.  As a legal adult in all countries, I do love me some soju.  I've been pretty careful with it, though, cause I've heard stories already about how it'll kick your butt when you least expect it!  It's all relative, I guess :) 

And on that note, have a great weekend everyone!  Remember to always designate a driver.  Or if you're in a country where you don't have a car, have your address printed so you can show a taxi driver where you need to go.  ;)

I'm off to Seoul tomorrow evening to sight-see, spring shop, and enjoy some time with fellow Aggies at a little Muster celebration Saturday night!  Gig'em and whoop!!!!  :):):)  I'm sure I'll have some good stories to share after this weekend.  Non-soju related, of course! 

Mask Festival

Last weekend I went to a mask festival with my friends Becky and Lauren.  Turns out, the term "festival" was used loosely.  I posted some pics on facebook, but for my non-facebook readers, I thought I'd post a little about it here too.

We pretty much expected to go to a street festival, with music and street vendors and festivities (get it?  cause it's a festival?  I like puns) and the normal festival things, but what we got instead was a large room with a few tables and a lot of chairs facing a stage.  No street food.  I was looking forward to some street food, so that was a bummer.  It was actually a charity function for a group called Mannam, which does volunteer work around South Korea. 

As you can see, we made masks!  They're quite lovely, don't you think?  That was the major highlight of the event.  The glitter paint wasn't dry when we were wearing them, so my bangs ended up with glitter all up in them!  Mine's currently hanging on a window lock in my apartment, giving some pizzazz to the window. 

The rest of the time was spent watching various performances by volunteers.  Superb. 

This was a dramatic interpretation of Beyonce's "Halo," with masks, of course.  I absolutely looove that song, especially after this dance from SYTYCD, so I was jamming out in my seat, singing along ;)

These three little girls "sang" something or other, but they were a little scared of the audience so only one sorta kinda mouthed the words into the mic, while the other two stood there looking adorable.

The next performance had to be videoed to be truly appreciated.  These two expats wrote a couple songs about life in Korea and they're up on youtube, but here's a sample: 

We also got to listen to some Korean folk music.  Right after I stopped recording, the lady with the mic approached Becky (who's tall and blonde and would be easy to pick out of a Korean crowd even if she weren't sitting on an aisle) to sing along into the mic.  Ack!  Audience participation!  Don't make eye contact! 

After the Korean folk music, we handed out some gifts to the kids, cause they asked us to since we're foreign (oh Korea), and then left (escaped?) to meet Marisa for some galbi. 

Lesson learned?  If you're invited to a festival, find out if it's a real festival or one of these.  At least I got to make a mask!

Random English Mondays

The Second Installment: 

In case you missed the first installment, I've linked that here.  

Today's inspiration comes from none other than my comforter.  When I got it a couple of weeks ago, I was really perplexed by it, in an entertained way, but since it's been in my apartment a while, it's just another one of those "Oh Korea" things.  Now it just makes me smile.    

The text says "Angel with Dialogue"  

Does anyone want to hazard a guess at what that means?  My dad suggested that it means that I talk a lot... which would be appropriate.  A fellow teacher suggested that it's like having 'Pillow Talk' on a comforter.  If you've got any other suggestions, please drop them in the comments below! 

Have a great Monday!

Random English Mondays

You know how girls back home get Chinese characters tattooed places like their ankle or on their lower back?  Have you ever wondered if those characters actually mean "truth" or "harmony" or whatever other meaningful slogan?  I mean, what if all those tattoos are wrong?  And not just tattoos, what if the whole fascination that the US has with Chinese writing on pottery or wall art (or French writing, or whatever other trendy languages abound) is full of translation blunders and/or grammar mistakes?  (They probably all are!)(...says the girl who wants a Hebrew tattoo someday.)

I have come to this question because, as the blog title suggests, I do indeed live in South Korea now.  They seem to love English here in South Korea!  However, I've noticed that even English-speaking Koreans do not grasp that there are English phrases all over the place that just don't make sense to native speakers.  They crack me up!  Sometimes they're just misspelled words that make me laugh, sometimes they're translated directions or warnings, and sometimes they're just off the wall. 

I have decided to introduce a series on this blog called "Random English Mondays" to showcase some of these comical occurrences that I've found in my daily life and travels around the country.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

This first picture is of my trashcan.  That's right.  My trashcan. 

First of all, it has a picture of an oscillating fan.  What the heck?!

Second of all, the wording of the proverb.  Here, let me pour some happiness on you, and, oh no, I dropped some on myself as well!  At least I smell nice now :)

Third of all, this is on my trashcan.  Who puts proverbial phrases on a trashcan? 

I really do love the meaning behind the silly words, though!  We express it a little differently in the states, you know, more along the lines of "be happy and it'll rub off on other people."  (I guess that sounds weird to a non-native speaker... how can happiness rub off on anyone?  Is it like chalk?) 

It's your turn!  Go out into the world and pour happiness on people!  Then you'll get some happiness drops on your own life too :)  I hope you enjoyed this week's installment of Random English Mondays!